Speaking of Witch

Today the Pond, Tomorrow the World

2011-01-27T07:00:00.001-05:00

It's that kind of a random day...

Today the Pond, Tomorrow the World!

Those words were painted on a house near where I grew up and I always thought it odd. Not just that someone had painted words on their house, but that those were the ones they chose.

At this stage in life I can totally relate to the words. It's all about baby steps. I'll work on conquoring my little part of the world before I get to fixing the Earth in its entirety.

And, in the midst of some insanity in my life, I've been working on something. I've been trying to lose some weight. And, it's working :)

I went to the doctor yesterday ~~for an imaginary illness~~ and learned that I have lost 14 pounds so far in 2011. Only about 35 more to go.

Oh, and I wrote a blog post. Maybe tomorrow I'll catch up on some of my reading. I have missed you guys...

Frogs have it easy, they can eat what bugs them.

-Author unknown

We are born princes and the civilizing process makes us frogs.
-Publilius Syrus

All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.

-Cynthia Heimel

Random Thought

2011-01-25T07:00:00.001-05:00

I'm starting a campaign to make the Monday after Super Bowl a national holiday.

Who's in?

And a Super Bowl themed quote from Deion Sanders, commenting on why he doesn't like the two-week break between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl:

"Having two weeks off gives family, friends, and the media more time to get on your nerves."

Media Karma

2011-01-19T07:00:00.001-05:00

image courtesy of masternewmedia.org

I'm often frustrated by the media. I hate the way they sensationalize their stories. I get it. They are trying to hook us to read/hear/see their version of current events. But, for many reasons, it frustrates me.

One is that "celebrities" are given a spotlight because they are "famous," not necessarily because of what has happened to them. It is terrible that Gabrielle Giffords was shot. I would also think it terrible if my next door neighbor was shot. But, outside of a small mention locally, I doubt any of you would hear about it from the media.

Today, however, I had a giggle about what I'm calling Media Karma.

We've all had bad experiences at retail establishments. And, for the most part, we are limited in our ability to tell the world about those negative encounters. Sure, we can tell our friends and family. We can blog about it. But, what if you were a radio personality with shows broadcast in 8 different cities nationwide?

Imagine my delight when I heard one such deejay bashing a national retailer on the radio this morning. I'll admit I didn't get to hear the end because I had to drop Prince off at daycare, but what I heard made me smile. He and his wife had a bad experience with an idiotic store employee. It wasn't much different that the insipid brainless drones we've all encountered. But, he was literally telling the world. Well, at least the United States.

It wasn't a big event. I don't think anything will happen because of his venting. Yet, I have a happy because somehow, somewhere I feel like putting that karma out into the universe helps serve the rest of us who are not heard or vindicated because of our insignificance in society.

So, am I petty? Yup. Am I using time and energy on this that could be used for better purposes? Probably. But, am I happy? Hell yeah!

And, in my world that is pretty damn important!

Awkward Moments Bite

2011-01-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Pat wrote about embarrassing moments today and it reminded me of a story I think you guys will enjoy.

It starts in 1977 - I was in preschool with a little boy named Lennox Patterson* and apparently I was a biter.

Flash forward to 1993, the summer before I went away to college, and I am working the front desk at a doctor's office. In walks a boy named Lennox Pattington in a hat from the college I'd be attending in a few weeks.

So, do I open with, "Hey, I'm starting at that fine university in August"?

Nope, I say, "Hey, I think I used to bite you."

Awkward much?

It's even better when you learn that, while his name was very unusual, he wasn't even the boy I'd gone to preschool with. Note the different, yet very similar last names.

What's so ironic about the story is that this Lennox attended the same small private school that my preschool friend Lennox attended; Mr. Pattington was just a year ahead of us.

We did spend the next 3 years together in college. And, we did become friends. And, he did introduce me to my college boyfriend. And, he did make me look pretty cool to know some fraternity boys before classes even started. And, he did marry a friend of mine from high school.

So, I guess it turned out okay. Pretty funny too :)

*Names changed in an attempt to protect anonymity while preserving the irony of the story.

If it can lick, it can bite.

-French proverb

It's Tuesday, Right?

2011-01-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

Can you have a bad case of the Mondays on Tuesday? Is it called something else? Just being ~~bitchy~~ grumpy?

The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

-Peter in Office Space

More Tales from Work Buddy

2011-01-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

My work buddy constantly keeps me from jumping off the roof. I've shared some of her stories previously about morning sickness, crop dusting and the funnies she shares that keep me going.

She has a two and a half year old at home, so she has constant entertainment for me. It wouldn't be fair to keep the stories from you, so here you go:

Baby Girl is a really smart girl. (Seriously, she knows her phone number and address at age 2. I'm so impressed.) But, like all kids she uses her smarts against her parents. So, they have to be on their toes at all times

White Ham

The scene: Husband of Work Buddy (HOWB) and Work Buddy (WB) were getting the ingredients together to make turkey sandwiches for lunch.

Baby Girl: I would like a ham sandwich, please.

WB: We're having turkey sandwiches today, sweetie.

Baby Girl: I WANT HAM. I ONLY LIKE HAM! I NEED HAM. WAAAAAA!!!! HAM!!!!

HOWB: (turning to WB) Honey, remember that white ham we bought the other day? Maybe Baby Girl would like a white ham sandwich?

Baby Girl: YES! White ham. I like white ham. It's my favorite. I only like white ham.

aaaand.... The HumidiFIRE

The scene: With the cold, dry air Baby Girl had been coughing at night and HOWB and WB discussed putting a humidifier in her room.

Baby Girl: NOOOOO!!! No humidiFIRE! NOOOOOO!!!!!

HOWB and WB: Huh?

Baby Girl: NOOOOO!!! No humidiFIRE! No fire in my room!!!! Fire scary!!!

The stories are never as good when I tell them, but I hope you got at least a little giggle out of these.

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.

~Liz Armbruster

The Snarky HR Lady Returns

2011-01-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

image courtesy of zazzle.com

Soooo.... one of the duties of my job is the tuition reimbursement program. I came across an application today that made me do a facepalm.

A current employee who is working on a bachelor's degree submitted an application that she wants to take a math course and a writing course. Actually, the second request was for Collage Composition.

Initially I thought this was an art class. Then I realized she meant "college" and I looked to see the name of the institution listed as XXX Community Collage. She is 29 and has been working in an office environment for 2 years and cannot spell college.

Facepalm.

I suppose it could be worse. She could have spelled it with a K.

Clearly, she needs a spelling course.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

-Daniel J. Boorstin

Scheduling Happiness

2011-01-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

image courtesy of http://howtofindhappiness.com/ which is a cool looking blog I must check out.

I don't like to set New Year's resolutions because it seems to turn into a list of rules to break. However, I do like new starts and I do have ~~about a million~~ a few areas in my life that could use improvement.

So, here's one of them... I think I could be happier. And, I think that I hold myself back from some of that potential happiness by being lazy.

I don't date because I haven't met anyone. Of course, it's hard to meet someone if you are always parked on the couch watching TV. It takes an effort to get my ~~fat~~ ass off the couch and get out there.

I said to my mother that it was sad that I had a free babysitter on New Year's Eve, but nowhere to go. Clearly, I enjoy sitting alone on my couch because I do it a lot. However, I would like to get out more and I know that when I do get out, it makes me happy.

So, I am focusing on making plans - firm ones that I write on the calendar - with friends who don't tend to flake on me. And, I know that these "events" are going to make me happier.

For January I already have these fun things planned:

Sewing Class at Joann's Fabrics
Melting Pot dinner with a friend (former co-worker)
Book Club with local friends
Wine Tasting with a friend from college
Overnight Trip (with Prince) to visit another friend from college

(And, just to remind you of what a nerd I am... I deliberately used capital letters for my list because they are Events with a capital E.)

Those 5 events are just about my sum total for all of 2010.

The other thing I've noticed is that planning the events and looking forward to them also makes me happy.

I'm going to be so damn happy y'all aren't going to believe it!

Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Pressure of a Post

2011-01-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

cartoon courtesy of marktoon.com (seriously, you should check out the fun cartoons here)

I like fresh starts. There's not much better of a "fresh start" than a new year. And, even though I said that I wasn't going to let blogging stress me out, I feel like my first post of the new year need to be a good, no GREAT one, and it's bugging me.

Unfortunately, I've got nothing.

So, there you have my first post of 2011. Now I can relax and continue with my randomness and self-proclaimed hilarity.

I feel so much better.

Hermits have no peer pressure,

-Steven Wright

Endless Possibilities

2010-12-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

When I receive the gift of $100 I also receive the gift of endless possibilites and everything my mind can imagine (which is pretty huge.)

For the past few years my parents have put a hundred dollar bill in my stocking. I could be responsible and apply it to a bill. But, that doesn't feel like the way Christmas money should be used. I could also deposit it into my checking account and let it go towards our household expenses. That still doesn't feel right.

In my mind, Christmas cash is supposed to go towards "something special" and preferably fun.

So, until I make my decision, I have endless possibilities of what to do with my money.

Should I go ahead and purchase an item or two from my Santa list that I didn't get? (Think exciting things like cotton undies and tights.) Should I put it towards a new bed for Prince? Should I buy some new clothes or shoes? Should we take a road trip? Should I get my hair cut and colored by a professional? Should I buy new makeup?

And, the list goes on and on. I'm certain I would have spent $10,000 at the end of it had I selected all of the above.

It's not just me who thinks this way. For Prince's birthday my parents gave him a hundred dollar bill to use for "something fun" for he and I to do together. We talked about amusement parks, train tickets, ballgames, baseball bats, movies, and sports camps.

To be honest, I don't even remember what we finally decided on. But, the joy in the planning and the endless possibilities definitely brought us more than $100 worth of happiness.

"You’re not a one hundred dollar bill, not everyone is going to like you."

— Meg Cabot in Jinx

Easing Back In With A Quickie

2010-12-28T07:00:00.001-05:00

TWSS!

(That's what she said, right?)

While I'm not big into setting New Year's Resolutions ~~because it's like a game to see how quickly I can~~ ~~break them~~ I do like "fresh starts." The beginning of the year, the beginning of football season, even the beginning of the weekend has unlimited possibilities.

So, yesterday ~~when I was supposed to be working~~ I was thinking about some of the things I need to do to start the new year with less clutter and more financial responsibility. (Betcha didn't see that coming! TWSS!)

I was curious about where I'd end up come tax time and thought I'd plug some preliminary numbers in to see if I could tell. (I couldn't.)

But, I did print out the federal and state tax forms and noticed an anacronym I've never ~~paid attention to~~ seen before.

VAGI (Virginia Adjusted Gross Income. I kid you not.)

I think that 1 vagina = vag. Therefore multiple vaginas would be vagi.

Eww.

Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.

~Gerald Barzan

Things That Make Me Cry (In the Best Possible Way)

2010-12-22T07:00:00.008-05:00

I've read a lot of posts this week that have brought tears to my eyes. So, here's my contribution. This commercial makes me tear up every single time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3k1SOE760Y

Merry Christmas!

The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and in willing service.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Before and After?

2010-12-21T07:00:00.002-05:00

Do you ever think something, but refrain from saying it out loud because other people will look at you and say (either internally or out loud) "WTF?" So, you blog it instead?

No? It's just me? Well, this is one of those posts. Be forewarned.

I've recently noticed some wrinkles forming under my eyes. And, I watch enough TV to know there are miracle creams out there. I just had to purchase one, put it to use and those silly eye wrinkles will vanish.

So, I bought some magic potion and started using it. And, I did see immediate results. On one eye. The other one, not so much.

WTF?

Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.

-Jimmy Buffett

When it Rains, It Pours

2010-12-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

In addition to the situation I described yesterday, I also have been given 14 days by my HOA to repair the gas lamp post in my front yard. (To their credit, it's not worked since I bought the house in April of 2008, so I've gotten away with it for a long while.)

Said repair could cost as little as $90 (to clean the lamp post and get it running again) or as much as $550 (if the gas line has collapsed and I have to convert it to electric.)

I'm afraid to ask "what next?"!

When it rains, it pours.

-American proverb

Because Apparently I'm Made of Money

2010-12-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

Last Friday night Prince and I were snuggled up in my bed watching a movie. It was really hard to concentrate with all the stratching noises coming from the attic. I'd heard these noises before, but somehow managed to convince myself that it was the kids next door. (Yeah, they must be ventriloquists.)

By Saturday morning, I had to face the truth that I had a critter in my attic.

I called a wildlife removal company and they sent out a nice guy named Wayne to check out the situation.

Wayne checked it out and reported back three full-sized raccoons living in my attic. He set two traps and guessed we'd quickly have two caught in the cages and he could get the third with his magical pest removing thingamabob.

Saturday night was even less restful than Friday because of the apparent rodeo happening above my bedroom. (Seriously, if there's no excitement in my bedroom, I don't want to hear it above my head.)

Wayne came back on Monday to check the traps and found the two cute, but uninvited, raccoons I shared with you last week. The third raccoon was nowhere to be found. So, he took the two ~~bitches~~ and released them in the wild (somewhere far away from my neighborhood, I hope.)

So, what's the next step you ask? Well, to ensure no more animals vacation in my attic, I need to have the insulation removed, hole(s) found and repaired, attic disinfected, and new insulation blown in.

All for the bargain of $2850. Which, of course, is no big deal because apparently, I'm made of money.

And that, my friends, is why I was so grumpy last week.

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

George Orwell

I'm Going to Hell (Still)

2010-12-17T07:00:00.002-05:00

picture courtesy of allposter.com

In case there was any doubt... I am going to hell for being such a witch.

Do you have ~~those people~~ that person at work that you dread talking to? When they come to your desk you silently chant, "No! No! No! Not me!"?

Well, one of those guys is our maintenance guy. Every day he empties my trash can and I hold my breath until he leaves. When I get to work on Wednesday mornings and he's vacuuming my office, I create reasons not to stay in my office. When he checks my hole punch, I want to throttle him. And, sometimes I feel ~~a little~~ bad for being such a bitch. This man has never done anything wrong to me. I just don't like talking to him.

Most of the time.

I can remember a couple of nice conversations that really made me feel like the bitchiest of all witches because I don't like talking to him. Mostly, those conversations have begun when he asked how my son is doing.

So, when he came to me today and asked for 3 minutes of my time my inner witch was saying all sorts of terrible things.

This kind man brought me a Christmas gift for my son, who he has never met, and asked me to pass along a message too. He wanted to remind my son to keep trying to be a good boy, to keep learning, and to pray often.

The gift is a shirt from Ghana, the home country of our maintenance guy. Prince will likely not appreciate the gift or the message. But, for me, the message was as if God himself spoke to me.

And, He told me to stop being such a bitch.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

I'm NOT Lovin' It!

2010-12-16T07:00:00.007-05:00

Every time I think Prince is past a stage or is too old for something ~~that I'm soooo glad to be done with~~ he proves me wrong. Just this weekend he and his friend W asked about going to Chuck E Cheese. ~~Because I'm still twitching from the last time I went~~ I told them, "We'll see."

I offered to take them out for fast food and I was shocked that they picked McDonald's because they have the best Playland. And, so we went.

I'll talk to anyone and the Playland at Mickey D's is always fertile territory for striking up conversations. The mommas with new babies are my favorite. I get to ooh, aah and play peek-a-boo, yet I don't have to change diapers or deal with any crying - it's a win-win.

However, I sat next to the WRONG mom on Saturday. In the half hour or so that the boys were playing she managed to tell me that:

She lives a couple of towns over, but brings her 5 year old son and 3 year old twins to our McDonalds because they have the best Playland.
She's afraid she will run into her husband's mistress who lives in our town.
She is in the process of divorcing her husband because she found out about the mistress from her kids.
Her husband used to always call her fat and now he's with a mistress who is fat. (She also had to stand up and show me her body and remind me that she looks good - and she's had twins.)
Her husband's mistress had a bastard out of wedlock.

Wow.

I could definitely benefit from a few more local friendships, but am going with the belief that I'm better off without this ~~nutcase~~ ~~lady~~ woman in my life.

Wise men talk because they have something to say fools, because they have to say something

-Plato

Remembering

2010-12-15T07:00:00.001-05:00

It's right at this point (my 300th post!!!) that I'm having a hard time rememberings which quotes I've used in my posts. So, yesterday I ~~wasted hours of time at work~~ catalogued my quotes ~~because I'm a nerd like that~~.

It took a lot longer than it really should have because I found myself reading a lot of my old posts.

The first thing I noticed is that my life tends to go through cycles. For example, each year I tend to get the winter blues.

The other thing I noticed is that (once I'm done being sad) I do a pretty good job of focusing on the positive and on what really matters.

At various points during my blogging, I've recognized some people who really warmed my heart. One group in particular is the parents I've met through youth sports.

So, I found it ironic (in a super fantastic way) that last night when I posted on Facebook "We have registered for Spring ball. We had such a great experience last spring, I can't wait!" that I received these comments:

Woo Hoo! See you there! (from the wife of last year's assistant coach)
It's not even winter yet! So crazy! (from the wife of the football coach Prince played for his 1st 2 years)
Exciting! (from the wife of last year's head baseball coach)

I also considered it an indication that I need to continue to do what I know works.

Odds are, I'm going to get the winter blues. But, I will beat them. And, I will continue to do so by recognizing and remembering all the people who bring such joy to my world in big and small ways.

I think you're gonna remember about today what you want to remember. Like, at my wedding, I remember it as the day I got to kiss the most beautiful woman in the world. And I hope that's how she remembers it too, as a good day. The start of a lot of good memories. We completely blocked out the part where Ma was holding onto my leg yelling, "Don't go! Don't go!"

-Raymond in "Everyone Loves Raymond"

I'm Frustrated

2010-12-14T07:00:00.004-05:00

And, I'm grumpy and don't want to talk about it. Perhaps I'll tell the story tomorrow. In the meantime, suffice it to say that I took the above picture after the critters were removed from my attic.

Yes, coons in the attic, bats in the belfry.

PS. Be forewarned that telling me they are cute will likely result in profanity, regardless of the truth of said comments.

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

-Bill Watterson

Confessions of a Selfish Blogger

2010-12-10T07:00:00.000-05:00

I'll admit a couple of things to you here.

1) I have (self-diagnosed) ADD. It can be extrememely hard for me to concentrate on a conversation if I'm not into it and/or if there are outside distractions.

2) I can be very egocentric. When other people are talking, I'm thinking about how it relates to me.

3) I don't have a lot of self-control. When the first two confessions are combined with #3, I have a bad habit of interupting, changing the topic and/or making the conversation all about me.

I know these are nasty traits and, on a daily basis, I work to minimize their effects in my interactions. I don't like to talk to inattentive, selfish, rude people. So, I try to remember that even though my world revolves around me, this is not the case for the other 6,886,400,000 or so people in the world. (Here's a buy 3 get 1 free confession - I'm the kind of nerd who looked up that number to include in this post.)

As I've mentioned many times, blogging is particularly attractive to me because it's all about me. I am in charge. I talk all the time. All the topics are my choice. And, mostly the topic is me. It's an egomaniac's paradise.

What I've realized is that I can be a very selfish commenter.

When I read a post, I immediately relate it to my world and think of things I want to share about me.

My blog is my chance to make it about me, and I love that I'm able to do that. So, shouldn't I afford that same opportunity to the other bloggers that I follow because I love to read what they have to say?

Yes! And, I'm really going to try to keep my comments on the up-and-up. When I read what you write, I'm going to try and make the comments about you. Of course, that could mean I'm supporting you with comments like, "I hate it when that happens" and "I totally know how you feel." But, I'm going to try and save the "me time" for my blog.

Of course, those thoughts in my head have to get out. So, I'm going to write them down and give you a blog post instead. Clearly, some of you have gotten to know me and seem to still like me, so I'm hoping this will be more entertainment. If not, it will give you back a few minutes in your day (if you don't read. If you read and don't like it, I guess I've taken a few minutes. Oops.)

So, here I go. Today I wanted to tell you that:

When I was born I weighed 10 lbs, 11 oz. My mom was 10 lbs, 4 oz and my son was a tiny 9 lbs, 3 oz at 38 weeks.
When my mom was 37 (and I was 7) my grandmother died. I'm 35 and I can't imagine losing my mom. I can't imagine raising a child without her support. (I'm trying to remember this when ~~she's being annoying~~ I lose patience with her.)
My faith is part of who I am and it's important to me. When I see that your faith works the same way, I think it's really cool and I want to remember to appreciate and celebrate all types and degrees of faith, even if they aren't the same as mine.

There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.

-Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Child = Endless Blog Fodder

2010-12-09T07:00:00.002-05:00

cartoon courtesy of jokester.com

If you have a child, you have an endless supply of blog fodder. When you see in my "About Me" that I blog to share the "frustrations and hilarities that are my life," a lot has to do with Prince.

And this is one of those posts.

Prince plays the flute. He has band practice on Wednesdays. ~~Like his mother~~ Prince is challenged when it comes to getting (and staying) organized. So, he often leave things behind that should go to school. Sometimes it's homework. Sometimes it's permission slips. Sometimes it's his coat (even though it's below freezing here!!!) It's hardly ever his flute. Prince loves playing the flute and he's really good at it. (Can you guess where this is going?)

About 10 AM this past Wednesday my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on caller id, but it was local, so I answered it. This is how the conversation flowed:

me: Hello?

caller: Hi

me: Hello?

caller: Hi

me: Who is this?

caller: It's me. Prince. I left my flute in the car. Can you bring it to me?

me: You need to tell people who you are when you call. I thought you were some weirdo.

Apparently, I've not done a good job, as a mother, at teaching proper phone ettiquette. To my credit, raising children in the world of caller id is different than how I was raised, but I definitely saw a parenting fail.

So... I took an early lunch and drove the flute up to the elementary school. ~~Full of pride because I'm such a good parent to bring the flute to school~~ I let the receptionist know that I'd brought an instrument for a forgetful child. She told me to add it to the "pile" and indicated a stash of several instruments that had been delivered by parents of other forgetful children.

For a moment I felt better. Clearly, our situation wasn't so unusual. Other kids forgot instruments. And other good parents like me brought those items to the school.

And then I made eye contact with the receptionist and my good feeling disappeared. Because I could tell exactly what she was thinking.

She wasn't thinking about what a great parent I am. She was thinking that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

She was thinking that it's not surprising that Prince should be forgetful and leave his flute in the car. After all, on Monday, when school let out at 12:20 PM, Prince's mother showed up at the school at 2:15 to take him to a dentist appointment.

At least she didn't call Child Protective Services.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

2010-12-08T07:00:00.001-05:00

Yes, here I am :) For reals.

Like millions of other humans out there, one of the things that ~~makes me want to gouge my eyes out~~ introduces additional stress in my life is my job. It's not the job so much as it is the ~~stupid~~ people I have to work with it. (Yes, I should have known better. I do work in HR. Apparently, it's the human part that gets to me.)

Instead of complaining, I thought I'd share the latest story with my bloggy friends so you can ~~feel my pain and feel sorry for me~~ get a giggle.

Each year my company hosts a holiday dinner that I coordinate. I use an online survey to collect RSVPs. (Don't even get me started on what those letters stand for and what that means.) Things are working a little differently this year and I wrote these words to explain it:

Unlike years past, we will not need to pre-order our meals. However, for the enquiring minds who want to know, menu options include: {then a list of 8 options)

Each meal comes with a side salad, your choice of baked or sweet potato, and a soft drink.

Dessert options include Brownies, Cheesecake, and Logan's famous "Mini Buckets."

Individual dietary restrictions/preferences can be accommodated. Feel free to ask the server for a salad without bacon; inquire about the kind of nuts in the brownies. And, please let us know if you have any questions or concerns.

{and a space where they can write one line as a response}

Because I use survey software, there has to be a spot for responses, so I assumed this would be the area where employees could indicate questions or concerns (like a severe allergy or need for a wheelchair, etc.) I didn't expect three people to place their order.

But wait, there's more. None of the three placed a complete order. So, even if this was the place to order, I would have had to follow up because they didn't give me all the info I need.

Have you seen the ads for this new game show called Million Dollar Money Drop? It a quiz show where contestants have a million dollars that they have to place on the answers that they think are correct. If the answer is wrong, the money drops down a chute.

If I were a contestant on this game show and was asked, "Of the 30 employees who responded to your survey, which three gave their order?" let's just say I'd be a millionare.

I can't decide if that's good - because I know my employees so well - or if it's bad - because they are so ~~stupid~~ predictable at not following directions.

My final answer - that I'm locking in - is that I'm going to laugh (ya know, so I don't cry.)

Happy Hump Day, friends :)

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

-George Carlin

Back in the Saddle Again

2010-12-06T07:00:00.008-05:00

I love Christmas time. I love the decorations; I love the music; I love the cards. Even though we fall out of touch during the year with all the things that life throws at us, we take the time once a year to send our cards. We get updates, pictures, new contact information and a glimmer of hope that this year we will be better and will stay in touch.

It usually doesn’t happen, but hope is such a comforting thing.

I’ve noticed that every year a few names drop off my Christmas card list. Sometimes it’s a former co-worker who I’ve grown apart from. Sometimes it’s an old friend whose card has been returned because of a bad address. And, sometimes it’s because I realize that for all the years I’ve been reaching out, my efforts have not been reciprocated.

I’m seeing a correlation between Christmas cards and blogging.

I stopped blogging for a while because I didn’t feel like it. I stopped reading other blogs because I didn’t feel like it at first, and then when I was ready to return, I was overwhelmed.

I realized that I missed both. Writing gets thoughts and feelings out of me. By putting them into words I am able to make the thoughts and feelings concrete and deal with them. It is therapeutic for me, even if I don’t get any comments.

Of course, I thrive on comments. When I see [Speaking of Witch] New comment in my email, I’m a happy girl.

And, I’m a smart girl too (although I recognize that certain actions might indicate otherwise.) I recognize that comments are a give and take. The more you comment, the more comments you will receive.

My desire to be a “good blogger” overwhelmed me. There was too much to read. I wasn’t enjoying it – it felt like a burden to read and comment. I realized that what really matters to me isn’t the comments, it’s the relationships I’ve developed with other bloggers.

It’s a lot like Facebook relationships. Some are closer than others. Some are rather one sided. But, they exist because they bring me joy. And, as I recall, that’s why I started blogging – because it makes me happy.

So, I’m back. Just like the Christmas card list, some names will drop off. Some new ones will appear. We’ll see how it goes. We’ll see how the relationships pick up now that I’m back.

Less is more

Back it up

Slow it down

Let it breathe

Cause too much of a good thing can be bad

-Joss Stone

Popular - Part Two

2010-09-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

image courtesy of google images (from the musical Wicked)

I will admit right off that I worry too much about what other people think. And, the teenage desire to fit it has never left me. If anything, it's grown over the years.

I can also tell you that I want the best for my son. What parent doesn't?

When these two thoughts mix it can be very dangerous. This is where "Stage Moms" and "Helicopter Parents" come from. I know I don't want to be one of these. So, I often have to keep myself in check.

And, this weekend I had a conversation with my ten year old Prince that put it all into perspective for me.

One of the challenges Prince has had over the years is developing and maintaining friendships. Many things factor into the situation. One thing is the fact that we've moved so many times in his life. Another is that Prince has ADHD.

He's a good kid with a heart of gold who desperately wants to make and keep friends. And, this is one of the goals we're working on together.

So, this weekend I asked him if he might like to invite a friend from football to sleep over. Of course the answer was yes. So, I asked him who he would invite.

He said, "Probably Austin. Or maybe Andrew. Or maybe Luke. Or maybe Andy."

I can't say that I was surprised. These boys are athletic and friendly, but most of all they are nice kids. And, that is all that matters to Prince. He doesn't get involved in the silly politics that concern parents.

If I were picking a child to invite over I would think about whose parents I enjoy, which kids live closest to us, or how the families fit into the social groups I want us to be part of. But, not Prince. He thought about which kids he likes to be around because they are nice.

I hear the tween years can be quite trying, so I am going to enjoy this moment when nice equals popular. I know it won't last forever.

We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for.

-Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

I kept having to stop as kids and adults said hello and asked questions. How is school? Where's your dad? When did you get your hair cut?

It was cool to be with a popular kid.

As a 35 year old woman, I felt cool to be with a popular 5th grader.

But wait. It gets ~~more pitiful~~ better.

I didn't just feel cool. I was glad that my son is friends with the popular kid. And, ~~if I'm painfully honest~~ I immediately thought that we need to be sure to stay close with this kid because ~~he will help Prince's social life~~ he's a really nice kid.

At first I felt a bit ashamed of myself. It doesn't matter if a kid is popular. What matters is that he's a nice kid. And then I realized that, in 5th grade, it seems that the two still go hand in hand. (I have another story to tell about this, but I'll save it for tomorrow.)

I have celebrated many of the stages and phases Prince has gone through. I loved watching him learn to walk. His first words were adorable. I thought it was fun when he started school. And, obviously, I was thrilled when he started playing organized sports.

Some of the other stages were less desirable. And, we are getting into the area that scares me. I don't want to experience his first breakup, his not being invited to a party, or his first pimple! No doubt, I'm petrified about that time when popularity starts being based on less desirable things than which kids are nice.

And, I know it's not far away. In many school districts, middle school starts in 5th grade. And, with middle school comes middle school behavior ~~which I still see some "adults" demonstrating~~. As an adult, I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

But, it's not about me. I keep having to remind myself of this. It's about Prince. He's a nice kid and he's going to be fine. It won't be easy. It never is. But, in the words of Bob Marley, "everything's gonna be alright."

Popular!

I'll help you be popular!

You'll hang with the right cohorts,

You'll be good at sports,

Know the slang you've got to know.

So let's start,

'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go!

-"Popular" from the musical Wicked

Defining My Family

2010-09-09T07:00:00.002-04:00

I've started a post or two about being single in a world where being married (or engaged) seems much more desirable - to me and to those around me. I've been frustrated and hurt when not included in "couply" occasions like dinner parties. And, I've felt left out of "family" events because I'm a single mom.

Over the years, many aspects have gotten easier. Childless friends are now experiencing parenthood. Previous relationships have not stood the test of time. And, we're all learning to survive based on what life has dealt us.

And, over the years I've also learned that my situation is the way I define it, not the way others - friends, family, coworkers, society - see it.

Ironically, it was a situation at work that made me think so hard about this.

We are facilitating a change in our terminology to use the phrase "family income" instead of "household income."

As you might expect there are many different definitions and interpretations of each phrase.

Something struck me in the National Statistics Office's definition of family:

A family is a group of persons usually living together and composed of the head and other persons related to the head by blood, marriage or adoption. A single person living alone is considered as a separate family. (taken from 2000 FIES, NSO)

As I've thought about all the definitions and interpretations, I have come to realize something that I believe. And, it's something I need to embrace and live.

Prince and I are a family.

Just the two of us. Our family unit does not have to contain certain roles or quantities. We are a family. My parents and sister are part of our extended family, but Prince and I are a family.

We might not fit the mold of what others think a family should be, but that doesn't matter. What matters is the healthy, happy way we define who we are as a family and how we function. What matters is our family.

You don't choose your family.
They are God's gift to you,
as you are to them.

~Desmond Tutu

2010-09-08T07:00:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted in a while because life has been busy. I haven't read a whole lot either, but am hoping to get back into the swing of things this week.

In fact, I am looking at the new school year as a great starting place for setting goals and striving for the things that will make me (and my son) healthier and happier.

Prince and I love to sing this song at the top of our lungs and I think the lyrics perfectly sum up my feelings right now:

People keep talking

They can say what they like

But all I know is everything is gonna be alright

No one, no one, no one

Can get in the way of what I'm feeling

No one, no one, no one

-Alicia Keys

And, I mean it. Everything is going to be all right. Better than that even. And, no one is going to get in our way.

I'm in Love...

2010-08-31T07:00:00.003-04:00

...with Walgreens. It's open 24 hours a day.

So, on the way to work today I dropped off prescriptions, picked up pictures and bought freezer bags. All before 8 AM.

I'm in love and I think it's going to be a long and fulfilling relationship.

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.

~Eric Fromm

Head Hurts

2010-08-30T07:00:00.001-04:00

I have a sinus headache. I've steamed in the shower. I've irrigated (neti pot.) I've taken OTC meds. And, I've blown my nose 100 times (I hear more than that can irritate my sinuses.)

What do you find soothing when you have a sinus headache and can't pull the covers back over your head?

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

-Author unknown

Corporate Babysitter

2010-08-27T07:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like a babysitter because I work in HR. Here are some excerpts of e-mails I've sent recently:

Schools start on Tuesday, so there are likely traffic changes coming as well. Please be sure to allow ample time for school buses and changes in traffic patterns.

As the nice weather beckons you to the patios, please remember to lock the doors behind you when you come back in. Unlocked doors can create a security risk and increase unnecessary after hours alarm calls. Thank you for your assistance.

Please be careful of the water on our employee parking near parking spot 11. It can cause black ice and can be very slippery. We recommend using the sidewalk rather than walking across the water hazard.

Please remember that our Professional Dress Guidelines call for hosiery in most cases and prohibits the wearing of sandals.

Unless food is specifically offered to you, please don’t eat it, even if it is sitting on the counter. We’ve had more incidents of someone taking someone else’s leftovers and it’s very frustrating to those employees who spent their money to order food, only to have it disappear.

Is it me or does it sound like some things you'd explain to your children?

It's the Little Things, Really

2010-08-26T07:00:00.008-04:00

(Remember this guy from the "Britney video"?)

I've been accused (more than once) of overreacting. I have been known to have a reaction that others deem to be unneccessarily negative. But, guess what... the opposite happens too. I get really happy over little things.

So, I thought I'd share a few nice things that have made me happy this week. They're all football related ~~because that's all I do except go to work and nobody wants to hear any more than they have to about that topic.~~

An excerpt from an email that was send to all the football coaches:

Now that the teams have been selected and we are making our way through the weigh-in process hopefully you have made one of the most important decisions you will have to make all season – selecting your Team Mom. Gentleman – I speak from experience – this decision can make or break your season. Choose wisely!!!!!

I'm the team mom for Prince's group. I was flattered. Our coach took it one step further and informed the team that I was more than a Team Mom, I am the Team Manager - I get to do everything except coach the kids. Yup, I feel powerful ~~and a little scared about how much work I'm going to have to do to keep everyone satisfied.~~

As I've been sending e-mails to keep everyone in the loop I've received really nice replies like these:

I love Carolina Blue...kudos for a great choice!

Thanx for keeping us all informed-it is really helpful.

Thank you so much for doing this.

It's amazing how much these small gestures bring a smile to my face. I'm going to have to remember to pay it forward and share my niceness (I AM a good witch, dammit!) with some others this week. After all, we have 2 weeks until school starts and I have all the necessary school supplies. I have some energy that can be used in a positive way.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

~Author Unknown

Why Is It?

2010-08-25T07:00:00.001-04:00

Why is it that

no matter what time a child goes to sleep, they still wake up at the same time?
food that makes my mouth so happy makes my tummy so upset?
all the brides I see on "Bridezillas" are overweight?
grass will grow in my patio, but I struggle to keep a tomato plant alive?
I have to drag my kid out of bed on school days, but on the weekend he has no desire to sleep in?

Any ideas?

We hear only those questions for which we are in a position to find answers.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Things That Make You Go HUH?

2010-08-23T10:10:00.000-04:00

We visited an urgent care last night to confirm Prince's double ear infection. I couldn't help but snap a pic of this in the examing room. Do cotton applicators and scapels seems like they should be kept together in the same bin? They aren't exactly interchangeable...

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

-Budda

Seriously?

2010-08-20T07:00:00.001-04:00

I was looking at Barnes and Noble online yesterday and stumbled across this little gem. Seriously, I've seen it all now.

When Our Children Hurt, So Do We

2010-08-19T07:00:00.007-04:00

image from http://www.katymagazine.com/

Yesterday's post was precipitated by the situation that I will try to succinctly relate today...

My ten year old, Prince, is in a new division for football this year. And, within that division, there are three tiers of teams.

I had him prepared to be on one of the lowest ranked teams because it's for the younger, smaller, less experienced kids. He was fine with my explanation.

Until 6 kids who are smaller and younger with the same experience as him were picked for a higher ranked team.

And, he was crushed.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have explained the ranking to him. I struggled with what to tell him next. Do I tell him that tryouts are based on skills and he just wasn't as good as the others? That seems like such a harsh message.

I finally settled on the explanation that we don't really know exactly what factors went into the decision making process. There could be boys who were picked because of their great attitudes or their ability to pay attention and not goof off. There could be boys who were picked because they are friends with the coach's son or because their dad is willing to be an assistant coach.

I felt like I did a good job with the damage control (which was only needed because of what I did to begin with. Of course, I had the best of intentions...) But, boy, does it break my heart to see him hurting!

I was in tears explaining it to my mother that night. The following day she asked how I was doing and I got ready to say, "You just don't understand how much it hurts to see my baby upset like that."

But, before the words came out of my mouth I realized that she does understand. Because, I'm her baby. And, when I hurt, she hurts too.

And, that made me cry even more. But, in a good way.

When you have brought up kids, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts.

~Robert Brault

Do You Thank God for Unanswered Prayers?

2010-08-18T07:00:00.003-04:00

When I was in high school I babysat a lot. One evening my junior year I got home a lot earlier than I thought I would and wanted to go on to a party someone was having. My mother wouldn't let me. I was furious.

But then, the guy I'd been crushing on called to ask me to Prom. And, I was so glad I was at home.

Two years after graduating from college I was living life to the fullest as a wild child. And then I missed my period. And, I freaked out and desperately prayed that I wasn't pregnant. Of course, I was. Turns out that having Prince has been the single best thing in my life. I was glad my wish didn't come true.

There are so many examples - small and large - of things working out the way they needed to, of things that didn't go the way I wanted them to, but it was all for the best (at trite as that sounds.)

And, so I wonder how many other things are working the way they are supposed to in my life, yet I'm fighting them. And, I wonder if I can wrap my head around the idea enough to live more and stress less.

That's a big one. I'll let you know how it works for me.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

Just because He may not answer doesn't mean He don't care

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

-Garth Brooks

A Funny for Monday

2010-08-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

One October a few years back I was attending a Toys R Us sale. I found some great deals for Prince's Christmas. I distinctly remember using my cell phone during the day.

I stashed the goods at my parents' house, and looked for my phone. For several days.

I called the phone multiple times trying to locate it, to no avail. After a few weeks I gave up and bought a new one.

Fast foward to Christmas Eve... I was pulling items out of the Toys R Us bag and guess what I found.

Yup, my phone.

It's a lot funnier now than it was then.

Lost time is never found again.

-Benjamin Franklin

Profound Words from Tracy McMillan

2010-08-12T07:00:00.001-04:00

I wrote on Tuesday about I Love You, And I'm Leaving You Anyway, a memoir by Tracy McMillan. She has written for TV shows like Mad Men, United States of Tara, Life on Mars and Journeyman. So, it's no surprise that she has a way with words. I was struck by the hilarity of her words and her insight.

I thought you, my readers, might enjoy some of my favorites as well. (Except for the words in parentheses, these are direct quotes from the book. Is that appropriate citation?)

(It's about) how raising a son taught me everything I really needed to know about loving me.

So I pinpoint the moment of my transition - from a maiden who trills and giggles to a full-throated woman who possesses herself as a sexual being - to that Saturday night in early April 1997 that I spend in labor, swearing I was going to die if I had to ensure another three-minute contraction.

Instead, a beautiful baby was born and in the process I was reborn. As someone who could finally get the guy she wanted.

(Talking about her foster care dad) He's a kind, gentle, patient teacher who usually offers me some version of what Jesus would have done, which is never ever what I just did. That's because Jesus doesn't steal candy, play with matches or forget to take his Ritalin.

(When she gains some insight into her father's behavior, she writes about the implications.) 1) It means I can begin to let go of my anger - because I can comprehend how my dad did what he did. Yes, Freddie's choices has particularly negative effects. But, in principle at least, I can see how he's not all that different from anyone else. I can bring him back into the circle of being a human being, not a monster.

2) It means I can also let go of being a victim. Because being a victim is a double-edged sword. You get to be right (and righteous) but then you're stuck there.

So I have no regrets. Because it all led me here. And here is pretty damn good.

Clarity is the counterbalance of profound thoughts.

-Marquis De Vauvenargues

I Love You, And I'm Leaving You Anyway

2010-08-10T07:00:00.001-04:00

I was recently gifted a copy of Tracy 's memoir I Love You, And I'm Leaving You Anyway.

I knew I'd like it as soon as I read the description, "Television writer Tracy McMillan’s comic literary road trip into the heart and soul of her relationship with her father—a convicted pimp, drug dealer, and felon—and what it has meant for her relationships with men."

And, I wasn't disappointed. I loved the book. It's an easy read and while I didn't want to put it down, I was able to leave it and come back and dive right in. It is funny and insightful. And, it's absolutely entertaining.

I definitely recommend it, especially to those of us who are avid blog and magazine readers. It's written right on our level. It's straight forward, every day use of the language with the incidental sentence fragments and profanity we experience in our lives. Those looking for flowing prose and pristine language will likely be disappointed. But those who crave direct, no nonsense, funny stories about real life and relationships will enjoy the journey.

There are two facets of the book that particularly resonated with me. First, Tracy started off with the odds stacked against her. She is the daughter of a prostitute and a drug dealing pimp who spent many years in prison. Even her own grandmother gave her away. She went through all kinds of hell on earth and still emerged a successful, well grounded, career minded mommy who is funny and can write. And, throughout the book she never makes excuses or asks for sympathy. Instead, she makes fun of herself and laughs instead of crying. Talk about an amazing role model. She's my hero!

The second thing I found extremely cool is that with all her daddy issues and all her failed relationships with men (She was married three times!) Tracy finally learns that her son is truly the love of her life.

That piece hits very close to home for me. I am at the stage where I feel like I'm supposed to want a husband, but feel much more fulfilled with my relationship with my son than I ever have in any romance. It's great to have someone else articulate that ever important bond between a single mom and her son and to emphasize the importance to the mommy too.

So, when you are looking for that one last summer read, try I Love You, And I'm Leaving You Anyway. And, let me know what you think.

It's not only children who grow.

Parents do too.

As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives,

they are watching us to see what we do with ours.

I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.

All I can do is reach for it, myself.

~Joyce Maynard

Activism

2010-08-09T07:00:00.000-04:00

image copied from www.freewebs.com/theprojectforabetterworld/

Activism.

It's such a heavy word full of so many meanings and connotations.

Am I ready for it?

I have a strong personality and I definitely have my ideas on how things SHOULD be. I complain a lot, but I think that's just because I like to complain. Shouldn't my complaining affect some kind of change? Shouldn't I be working to make the world a better place? At least my world? Or the world that my son is growing into?

I met E through football. She is probably the most outspoken, most opinionated person I know. And, I don't agree with all of her opinions. But, her soap box right now is the county school system. And, she has some very terrible things to say about the way our schools are being managed. I'm inclined to believe her and jump on the band wagon. At the very least, I need to learn more so that I can form an educated opinion.

I have a feeling that I will be just as outraged as E.

E is encouraging me to do something about my (anticipated) outrage. It feels like the right thing to do.

So, am I ready for it?

Agitators are a set of interfering, meddling people,

who come down to some perfectly contented class of the community

and sow the seeds of discontent amongst them.

That is the reason why agitators are so absolutely necessary.

Without them, in our incomplete state, there would be no advance towards civilisation.

-Oscar Wilde

Take a Look: It's in a Book

2010-08-06T07:00:00.003-04:00

I am a reader and I have definitely been enjoying my books this summer.

One of my new favorite things is listening to books on CD.

Prince and I spend a significant amount of time in the car. Both my parents house and the church are about 40 minutes away, so we've been listening to books on CD together. What a great family activity!

These CDs are such a great way to fill time in the car. We enjoy our literature, it gives us something to talk about, and it makes the time fly by. Quite often we arrive at our destination only to sit in the car until we get to the end of a chapter.

We started our CD kick by listening to the Fudge series by Judy Blume (which I highly recommend for families of all ages.) Our most recent was Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien. It's a cute storyline and kept both our attention.

I've also had the opportunity to listen to some "adult CDs." (Why does that sound dirty? I'm not talking porn here, I'm talking about CDs not designed for kids.) Between the trip to drop Prince off at camp and the round trip to visit Awesum and her family I covered the book Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay. This is the book that the TV series "Dexter" is based on. Basically, Dexter is a serial killer who only kills serial killers. Quite dark and quite entertaining (although I hear the TV show is better.)

I have a couple of "real" books on the horizon. My book club is reading The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox by Maggie O'Farrell. The storyline includes a woman who is notified that her great-aunt, who she's never heard of, is being released from a mental instituation. Sounds interesting to me. I'll be able to tell you before next Tuesday, because that's when we're meeting to discuss the book.

I've also been gifted a copy of I Love You, But I'm Leaving You Anyway by Tracy McMillan which I'm looking forward to reading. I'll be posting a book review on this memoir on Tuesday. So, guess what I will be doing this weekend?

READING. What bliss.

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

- Joseph Addison

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

2010-08-05T07:00:00.007-04:00

When complaining about the employee at any establishment, keep in mind those that didn’t make the cut at even securing an interview. Here are some of my recent examples:

We start with the BERTENDER who was FLUENT in ENGLISH, FRENSH AND ARABIC. Apparently, he also loves capital letters.

Others prefer all lower case (well, almost all): i'm applying for a part time job with salary open for disscusion. For me its more important to get a job where i can perform my best and i can learn as much as i can. please take me in consideration. thank you. The spelling error is a bonus.

Second only to the random capitalization: the Office manager Assistant who wanted to obtain a position in a professional working field relevant to my educational Background.

or McDonalds: odentown, MD - June 2004-feb 2006.

Then, there was the person who could manage all store’s and customer complaints. The apostrophe means the store was complaining, right? Because the customers are mentioned as a separate entity. That must be annoying.

Sometimes I wonder if they realize that they are applying for a position at a financial instituion, like the recent graduate seeking a full time Medical Billing/Coding position. Eager to join a professional team and contribute to a successful medical practice. At least pretend that you want the job and aren't just desperate for a paycheck.

And, another likely better suited to the medical field: I am trained on CPAP/BiPAP/VPAP/SV and all masks. Again - FINANCIAL INSTITUTION. If I don't know what it is, the qualification isn't particularly impressive.

If an interview is offered, please refer to my personal contact information in the resume heading. Um, thanks. That is particularly helpful. I'm not sure I could have figured that out myself. Now if I can only dial the numbers...

Military Academy, Completion Date: (Yup, it was left blank. Does that mean it's in process or abandoned? Or maybe, they've blocked it out of their memory and can't remember.)

I checked guest inn and out.

Child develpoment 1,2,3

I seen your job ad and I am very interested.

Um, okay, I don't even know what to say to these spelling/grammar issues.

Although I know there is a different between nonprofessional and unprofessional, this just sounds wrong to me: Performs nonprofessional nursing care.

If requested, I will provide you with a copy during the interview. A copy of what? My interest is piqued. Please don't say resume or references; that's so boring!

Someone with an email address including a variation of the phrase "Daddy's little girl" wanted to work in your faculty. Thankfully, we are not an educational institution. 'Cause, eww.

Another candidate was skilled at problem resolution in a fast-passed environment.

One of my favorites was the student who was Working on a Bachelor of Arts, Aug 2007 – Present, Projected Graduation Date: May 2011-2013. Two years sounds like a reasonable range for a projected graduation date, right? (For the record, I did interview him.)

Of course, by the end of it I’m so annoyed with everyone, so this bugs me: I have a great personality and I love working with people. I look forward to hearing from you soon! Barf!

And, in case you were wondering, there were the prerequisite applications with Costumer Service experience. 'Cause you know, it's a circus in here.

That was just A-J, but I think it's enough. What? You don't find these tidbits incredibly interesting and entertaining? Me neither.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

-Harlan Ellison

Deja Vu

2010-08-04T07:00:00.048-04:00

Sometimes I am reminded why I think certain things and Monday was one of those times.

Football season started for Prince on Monday. I love youth football. Both Prince and I have had some great experiences and have made some good friends.

Just being on the sidelines of the field made me smile. Prince immediately found some of his buddies and various coaches and moms said hi to me. Ah, happiness.

But then, after I said my hellos I sat down next to someone I didn't know. And she reminded me how I feel about cliques and making friends as an adult.

I am a very outgoing person and I'm always looking for a way to connect with people and to make friends. So, naturally, I tried to engage the woman I sat next to in conversation. This woman clearly didn't want to talk to me. She did talk nonstop to her husband about all the people she knows and how many friends her son had at the practice. She did talk to the other adults she deemed "important." And, she did speak towards me when she had something impressive to insert into my conversations.

For example, Prince came over to get some water and said, "Hey, W (his neighborhood buddy) is here, see? Over there." and ran back to the field. I muttered, "Um, no, I don't see." and the woman pointed him out to me. "W... I can't remember his last name, but we played baseball with him."

I replied, "Oh, W insert last name here. He lives on our street. Did you play baseball with him this year?" and that quickly shut down the conversation. Of course, when W's mom got there to pick him up this woman was uber friendly to her. I bet she didn't even know her name.

So, the whole practice was like that. This woman kept acting like a know-it-all and a name-dropper and IT WAS HER SON'S FIRST YEAR PLAYING FOOTBALL. He's 11, so it's the FIFTH year most of his peers have been playing, yet this woman was the expert.

Of course, she had a few friends that were just as knowledgable and just as snooty as she. One of them informed her that all the teams practice Mon-Wed-Fri which just isn't true. So, I said so. I thought I was being polite and perhaps even helpful to point out that it's a coach's decision when to practice. Her friend tried to contradict me, but I told them that we'd practiced Mon-Wed-Thurs the previous two seasons. Pretty sure that didn't win them over.

What is so ironic about the situation is that her husband was very friendly and I enjoyed chatting with him.

So... long story short - I don't like this woman. And, I'm rather certain she doesn't like me. And, that she doesn't want to be my friend. And, SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME. She didn't even give me a chance.

Perhaps she thought I was annoying? Perhaps she thought I was a know-it-all? Perhaps she thought I was rude and intrusive? Perhaps I am. But, I'm still a good friend. And, can you ever have too many "acquaintances of people your kid plays sports with?"

Apparently so.

I will be very glad when the teams are formed and I can figure out who I need to play nice with. Anyone want to place bets that Prince will end up on a team with that woman's son?

Sports should always be fun.

-Charles Mann

I've Been Visiting Friends

2010-08-03T07:00:00.001-04:00

I feel the need to catch you up on some of the highlights of my bloggy vacation.

One of these was my visit to a good friend I met in college. She's married and has a beautiful 3 year old son named C. So, you know my weekend was full of giggles.

I arrived late Friday night and gave C a quick hug before he went to bed. I hadn't seen him in over a year and worried that he would take a while to warm up to me, but I had no need for concern.

I woke up Saturday morning and heard C in the hallway talking. I crept out and realized that he was talking to himself. How cute.

As soon as he saw me, he said, "Want to see my room?" How cute. How could I refuse an invitation like that?

C showed me a bunch of cool stuff in his room and explained some important things, like, "When I grown up I'm going to be a big brother. And, I'm going to have a little brother." How cute.

After a while I asked him if he wanted to get dressed. He picked out a supercute outfit and we hunted for the Spiderman undies. As he got dressed he told me that he wears a pull up to bed, but undies during the day. Then he started scratching his bum. (Not so cute.)

I asked him if he had an itchy bottom and he admitted that he'd pooped in the pull up during the night and thought there was some still on his butt. So, we traipsed off to the bathroom to get him cleaned up.

That's where his dad found us when he got up to check on C. He laughed about how I was wiping a butt less than 12 hours into my visit. I reminded him of all the poopie Prince diapers he'd helped to change over the year. And, we both laughed at how much our lives have changed since kids.

C and I had some great quality time playing with his toys, splashing in the pool and being silly everywhere we went. We read books, we watched cartoons and we went to the library.

A highlight from the pool... at some point C decided to bite me. But he pulled back and said, "You taste bad." I'm not sure if it was the sunscreen or the sweat, but I was saved :)

I'd almost forgotten what little boys are like at that age. My big bad 10 year old is so different than sweet little C. And, with Prince off at camp, a toddler fix was just what I needed.

Next time I visit Prince will likely be with me and there will be more tales to tell and giggles to share.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

~Fran Lebowitz

Monday Minute

2010-08-02T07:00:00.002-04:00

It's the Monday Minute hosted by a Brown Eyed Girl...

Describe your life in one word.

Messy

Is there something you wish you had learned how to do as a child?

Speak Spanish. I took Latin and French, which was great to do, but Spanish would be so much more helpful to me now. I've tried to learn it as an adult and it's much more difficult that as a child.

Who has been the biggest influence on your life?

My son, Prince. My life would have been so different without him. I'm lucky he came along!

What is your greatest dream/hope/aspiration?

To live happily ever after. Isn't that everyone's?

and finally....

Do you believe you have reached your full potential? Why/why not?

No, I see myself being lazy every day. I could do so much more in so many areas. Perhaps I'll get inspired to stretch myself... Or not :)

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

-Winston Churchill

Oh, Hi. You're Still Here.

2010-07-30T07:00:00.014-04:00

I'm so glad.

I'm back from my blogging vacation. I wasn't actually "on vacation," but my son was away at camp, so I thought it was a great time to step away from the blogosphere for a while.

I had grand aspirations of all the things I would do and accomplish in Prince's absence. Not surprisingly, practically none of them happened.

I read, I worked on my family tree research, I cooked, I visited friends out of town, and I started a marathon viewing of all five seasons of "The Shield." All these these have made me very happy and I am glad I had time to do them.

It would have been nice to have updated Prince's scrapbook or to have finished the baby blankets I started last year or to have shampooed the carpets. It also would have been nice to have won the lottery or discover the secret to happily ever after, but I'm content with my simple pleasures.

As much as I have enjoyed some time to myself I am ready for Prince to come home. I have really missed him. I don't know life without him here. And, I like it better Prince infused.

Last year was his first time at sleepaway camp and I worried about him all 5 nights and 6 days. I was a mess. He had an absolute blast and I knew this year would be fun for him too. So, I haven't worried this year. I just miss him.

So, this morning his grandparents and I are going to pick Prince up from camp. It's a happy day!

Oh, happy day (Oh, happy day)

Oh, happy day (Oh, happy day)

When Jesus washed (When Jesus washed)

He washed my sins away (Oh, happy day)

Oh, happy day (Oh, happy day)

It's a happy, happy day!

-Edwin Hawkins

Blogging Vacation

2010-07-19T07:00:00.000-04:00

I have decided to take a brief vacation from blogging. I'll be back soon.

Five For Friday - A Repost

2010-07-16T07:00:00.002-04:00

I've been way too serious recently, so I though it time to bring back some debauchery. Having nothing recent to recant, I'm reposting a "Five for Friday" I wrote last July. I hope it gives you ~~insight to my warpedness~~ a smile.

I started this post as the five worst dates ever, meaning that they were the five worst dates I’ve ever been on, but then I realized it’s much easier to describe five examples of me being the worst date ever:

1) Flash back to my freshman year in college – Fall 1993. I had kept in touch with a guy from my hometown who was a junior at Virginia Tech. He invited me to a date party at his fraternity and I was very excited to attend. The theme was Heaven and Hell and depending on what room you visited the shots fit with the theme. Unfortunately, somewhere between the Peppermint Schnaps and the Goldslager, my stomach was decidedly in hell. So, not too far into the evening, I was the girl that noone knew who had her head in the toilet.

2) In the Spring of 1997 I was dating a boy who lived downstairs. We’d been seeing each other for a while and I was falling out of like with him. His fraternity formal was coming up and I was faced with the big dilemna of whether to break up with him right before or right after the dance. In an attempt to spare his feelings (or at least that is what I told myself) I decided that we could still have a nice evening and then I would end things at a later time. So, I went to the dance and was a perfect date. Except that he wanted to have a sleepover post dance and I didn’t. So, I told him I had to babysit early the next morning and wanted to be alone. Then I went back to my room, changed into jeans and met my friends out at another fraternity.

3) I turned 30 in April of 2005 and in September my son started kindergarten. So, I was trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up and had applied for a job that turned out to be a three week interview process. It was only one day each week, but the pressure was hanging over me. In typical BigSis fashion I thought I’d take the edge off with a bottle of wine. This happened to be before a concert where I was meeting a guy I’d gone out with a couple of times. We met up at the show where we proceeded to drink a second bottle of wine as well as some Jack Daniels offered to us my our neighbors. That proved to be too much for me and I was obliterated. He took me back to his house and when I woke up I wasn’t sure where I was. After going up and down the stairs more than once, I found the bathroom and returned to his room. I said, “Thanks for not letting me drive.” His response was, “You couldn’t.” He never called me again. I guess I didn’t win him over.

4) 2007ish I was on a second date with someone I didn’t really think was a good match, but I was trying to give it a fair chance. We went to dinner and as the evening progressed I knew there was no future for us. I ordered sangria, which is normally a treat for my body. I guess I was physically stressed over the fact that I was growing less and less fond of this guy by the minute because all of the sudden I felt sick. I ran to the bathroom, threw up and returned to the table. I let him know that I wasn’t feeling well and would like to go home immediately after dinner. I don’t know which part he didn’t believe, but he tried to kiss me when he dropped me off. So, I figure either a) he didn’t believe I was sick, was making an excuse to go home, and he decided to kiss me anyway or 2) he didn’t realize that I wasn’t into him and thought kissing a girl who had just vommited was cool. Eww.

5) It’s so difficult to pick out the end of this list. I’m going to go with my Junior year in high school when a senior on the prom court asked me to prom and I said yes. Then, I changed my mind and told him that I couldn’t go with him and I waited for my dream date to ask me. Lucky for me he did. And, lucky for the other guy, I think he took a very nice girl who probably treated him better than I would have.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating and religion.

-Scott Adams

Wordless Wednesday: Things That Make Me Happy

2010-07-14T07:00:00.010-04:00

Grown Up Friendships - Part 1

2010-07-13T07:00:00.002-04:00

image courtesy of google.com

Life was so much easier when I could walk up to someone on the playground and say, "Do you want to be my friend?"

Grown up friendships are difficult. And, the topic has been on my mind lately, in a couple of different ways.

Just yesterday I drove past the neighborhood where my former friend Kim used to live. We met through work and she was one of my closest friends. She always seemed to love and support me, no matter how much of me she got to know. But, Kim was only capable of having one friend at a time. And, when I left that job she got close with someone else. Eventually, our friendship felt completely one sided. And, I noticed that if I didn't make an effort, we never talked or got together. And, eventually I stopped making an effort. So, we drifted apart and she's not part of my life anymore.

It makes me sad that we aren't friends any more, but my brain tells me that the "friendship" that disappeared wasn't a lot to lose. Yet, my heart still grieves for the loss of that friend.

In many ways, like a romantic relationship, there were aspects that made our "break up" easier than it could have been. We don't live near each other. We don't work together anymore. We don't have mutual friends. She's not on Facebook. It's like she just doesn't exist anymore - and she really doesn't exist in my world any more.

On the other hand, I have friendships that have really survived the test of time. These are mostly women who I met in college 15ish years ago. Through the years, we've had times when we talked almost every day and times that months went by before we caught up. We may only talk once or twice a year. We may not see each other even once a year. We don't all live near each other. We're all very busy with our own lives and what's going on in our immediate microcosms. We're likely to stay up to date through e-mail and Facebook. But, we all know that if one of us needed the other, we'd be there - in person, on the phone, or in spirit. And, that's a nice feeling.

But, then there's the difficult aspect I mentioned earlier. I'm happy with 99% of my "status quo" friendships described in the previous paragraph. But, there's 1% that aren't what I want them to be. And, I am trying to figure out how to, or perhaps I should say if I can, transform them into something else, something more.

That's a topic all to itself, so I'll leave it there.

Something I've found more difficult than maintaining and/or rejuvenating old friendships is making new ones.

I made two great buddies from Prince's first football team and they both moved away. I have a great potential friend in a former co-worker, but her husband is military, so I know they are moving in the next year or so. The baseball moms were awesome too, but they are mostly from the same elementary school (not ours) and the "other" high school. So, I wonder how and if we will really stay in touch now that the season is over.

I could go on and on, but will save that pontification for part 2. After all, I ~~don't want to bore you~~ want to give you something to look forward to!

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked

-Bernard Meltzer

Monday Minute

2010-07-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

Today we are hosted by Jen at Daily Scoop of Chaos.

1. Can you burp the ABC's?

No, it's not something I've even considered wanting to be able to do.

2. So lets just say you have a 9+ hour drive ahead of you would you consider wearing Depends so you didn't have to stop multiple times?

No, I wouldn't want to sit in that shit and would welcome the break to get out and move.

3. Would you rather...run your tongue down five feet of a NYC street or press your tongue into a strangers nostril?

Definitely the stranger's nose. Boogies are a known evil I can handle. Not so much with the NYC street.

4. If you had an envelope that contained the date you would die would you open it?

No, and I think I'd have to get rid of it so I wouldn't be tempted in a moment of weakness.

5. Which one song describes your sex life best?

"I Can't Get No Satisfaction" is the first one that comes to mind and it's quite appropriate.

In honor of Jen, an ice cream quote...

Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos.

~Don Kardong

Feeling Campy?**

2010-07-09T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've "taken off" blogging two days this week. I'm considering Monday a holiday, so only yesterday counts, right?

Seriously, do I feel guilty if I don't blog every day? Not really. It's more like evidence that my time is being spent elsewhere and the likelihood is that I'd rather spend it blogging. And, I don't like the way that feels.

So today I will tell you about something I've been using my time for - filling out "camp" forms.

I use the phrase "camp" very loosely because it's really the Preteen Program at the local daycare. I opted for this program over some of the other ~~cooler~~ ones because they were so pricy. It was a relief that I could afford the $250 a week ~~and still have enough left to feed Prince.~~

Somehow I missed out on the "packet" that was supposed to be sent home so that I could complete all applicable forms and remit yet another check ~~to the blood sucking, money hungry daycare.~~

And, this all came to light on Wednesday when the daycare realized that they didn't have a permission slip for Prince to go bowling with the group.

The center settled for verbal permission (from his grandpa, over the phone thank goodness) and told me they would make sure I received a packet because there were other forms ~~and checks~~ they'd need throughout the rest of the summer.

I got this sucker home and it was 29 PAGES!

So, what I've been spending time on (instead of blogging) is completing paperwork for Prince's summer camp. There's the sunscreen authorization form, the breakfast form, the swimming permission form, the swimming rules agreement form, and eight thousand field trip and additional activity forms to fill out. Each of these latter forms has a cost that goes along with it.

Yikes! I thought college would be expensive, but apparently, I'm learning now just how expensive teenagers can be.

** I thought the title was catchy, but didn't really know what the word campy meant. So, I looked it up. This is what I found at http://www.merriam-webster.com/ "exaggerated effeminate mannerisms exhibited especially by homosexuals." So, I went to http://www.urbandictionary.com/ expecting something intense and amusing and all I got was "intentionally exaggerated." Neither definition has anything to do with my post, but I'm leaving the title ~~because I can.~~ And, I like to think I shared some edumacation with you. (Yes, I spelled that wrong on purpose.)

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

-Peter De Vries

WTF Wednesday

2010-07-07T07:00:00.002-04:00

My son's birthday was last week and he received a number of gift cards at his party. Ever eager to shop ~~for anything~~ we ventured out over the weekend to find some deals.

Ever been to Five Below? It's an experience. Kind of like a dollar store, only more geared towards peddling dollar store gear to pre-teens for $5. It's not one of my favorite places and I expect all sorts of mayhem and tom-foolery just by entering the establishment.

They did not disappoint me.

Prince found $15 of stuff and I agreed to pay the tax. We got to the register and the clerk told me that I owed $3.25 and there would be $2.50 left on the card.

I explained that I wanted to use the entire gift card for $15 and them pay the difference. She bascially told me that she was doing what the register told her.

So, I asked her to take two items off and ring them as a separate transaction ~~because I had no intention of ever stepping foot in the store again if at all possible.~~

She sighed and went to get her manager.

Was my request unusual? Really? WTF?

Logic is like the sword - those who appeal to it shall perish by it.

-Samuel Butler

The Way to a Man's Heart

2010-07-06T07:00:00.002-04:00

On Saturday I went to visit my grandfather who lives about an hour and a half away. He's 92, so some days are better than others, and this was a good day.

We exhausted the normal chit chat early into the visit and so I broached a topic I'd never brought up before.

I asked him how he met my grandmother.

In typical grumpy old man fashion he said, "I was stationed at Ft. Lee."

Not willing to accept this answer as the story I'd been after, I said, "And Grandma just happened to be hanging out on base, looking for a husband?"

He smiled and said, "Yes."

We giggled a bit and he went on to tell me that the USO would arrange mixers on Friday nights and different groups of ladies would come to the parties. My grandma (who I've always heard to be prim and proper - certainly not the type to hang out on Army bases) came to one of these mixers with a church group. They returned a time or two. With cookies.

And, my grandfather was smitten with ~~the cookies~~ my grandma.

What a sweet story.

We also talked about my genealogy research endeavors. He told me stories about some of the names I'd discovered. Here's the jist of my favorite:

My grandfather's grandfather was married three times. Then he ran away with his wife's sister. His father threatened to shoot him if he ever returned. My grandfather believed he'd do it too.

We had a great visit. When it was time to go, I didn't want to leave and my grandfather wanted us to stay too. It's amazing that it's taken 35 years for us to find the topic that makes both of us want to talk for hours.

I'm glad we found it.

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.

-Barbara Jordan

Milestones

2010-07-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

As a mommy, I know there are certain things that will happen over the years to make me realize my baby is growing up. I remember the first day dropping Prince off at daycare. They pretty much pushed me out the door so I wouldn't have time to cry, or worse yet, grab the baby and run home.

Yet, I was unprepared to get teary eyed on Monday when I realized that I just dropped my ten year old off at his first day in the pre-teen summer program. How did that happen? It seems like a minute ago that I was waiting for him to get here. And, now he's a TWEEN.

Wow. I need a ~~drink~~ tissue.

Wordless Wednesday - Photos from the Weekend

2010-06-30T07:00:00.001-04:00

Didn't Have a Minute on Monday

2010-06-29T07:00:00.001-04:00

I was so lethargic all day recovering from a fantastic long weekend. So, today I grace you with Monday Minute answers.

Has anyone you've known personally lived to at least 100?

No, but I do have longevity in my family. At age 35 I still have 3 grandparents alive - aged 88, 89 and 91.

What material possession do you value the most?

My pictures

What do you think happens to us after we die?

Eternal bliss with those who have gone before us

Most embarrassing item in your house?

Mostly it's the fact that there are so many items all over the house. I'm really messy and right now I'd been very embarrassed if anyone came in the house. I'm fairly certain at this moment you could find underwear in the living room.

and finally...

If you could rename yourself, what would your name be?

This is quite timely because I'm in love with genealogy right now and have been loving some of the names in my family tree and hating the others. Today's favorite is Antoinette Elizabeth. Favorites to mock - Barzilla, Alfretta, Ferrell, Carpus. I kid you not.

It's just another manic Monday

I wish it were Sunday

'Cause that's my funday

My I don't have to runday

It's just another manic Monday

-Bangles

You Say It's Your Birthday

2010-06-25T07:00:00.001-04:00

pic from flickr.com

I have another question for you.

Do you take off work on your birthday?

Based on what I see where I work, there are the two extremes (always & never) and a million variations in between. I'm curious to hear about your thoughts on the topic.

I never take off on my birthday. All my friends and most of my family work. They will likely call/e-mail/send a card wishing me a happy day. We may even go out for a meal. But, I figure that they will do those things because they care about me regardless of what day of the week it happens to be. However, if I go to work, I have the opportunity for the same calls/e-mails/cards/lunches with co-workers. And, I don't have to take any vacation time to do so. It's not like they expect me to actually do work on my birthday, right?

Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.

-Robert Browning

My Son Prince - Book Smarts, but No Common Sense

2010-06-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

My son never ceases to amaze me - sometimes in good ways, sometimes in other ways that make me laugh my ass off.

School ends on the 24th, so the teacher was following up on all outstanding library books early in the week. She sent me an e-mail asking me to help Prince find two books he'd checked out.

When we got home that evening Prince knew exactly where the one book was and promptly put it in his backpack. He told me that was the only one he had. I asked him about the printout from the library.

He pulled it out and studied it. Then he told me matter of fact that he'd never checked the other book out, that it must have been someone else. Of course, I believed the school and asked him to look anyway. So, he showed me the library printout and explained to me that it must be someone else’s because it was checked out on a day that wouldn’t have been his library day. Man, he’s smart.

Of course, I have a story to demonstrate the other extreme of the gamut.

On Saturday we attended an end-of-the-season baseball party at the coach's house. They live in a townhouse towards the end of the row. The party was held in the back yard.

After a couple of hours, the boys had exhausted all non-alcoholic liquids in the back yard and were told they could go inside to get some water. The coach's wife sent them in through the front door to avoid having any residual water, dirt or other funk being tracked through the whole house.

My brilliant boy, who obviously got his sense of direction from his mother, was a little disoriented as to which house belonged to the coach and went into the neighbor's house.

He walked in to find a man watching TV. The man said, "Hey, hey, hey!" reacting to the stinky kids who'd just busted in his house uninvited.

Not realizing he was in the wrong place, Prince said, "Hey, hey, hey! I love this show."

Ah... sounds so much like something I would do... or have done :)

(Thankfully, the neighbor was very understanding.)

Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...

-Michael Stipe

Financial Services Survey

2010-06-23T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm back to financial services and stupid people. Fortunately, there is an endless supply of fodder for blog posts on the two...

Earlier this year I received a phone call from J. D. Power and Associates asking if I had 10 to 15 minutes to complete a financial services survey with them. I agreed and the conversation went something like this:

JDP:   Do you have any of the following financial services: a checking account, credit card, money market, IRA?

me:   yes

JDP:    Let's talk about your primary credit card. This would be the one you use most often. Is your primary financial services company A) Bank of America B) Capital One C) Citibank D) Chase Manhattan E) HSBC or F) Wells Fargo?

me:   none of those. It's a credit union.

JDP:   So, would you say the company name is A) Bank of America B) Capital One C) Citibank D) Chase Manhattan E) HSBC or F) Wells Fargo?

me:   It's none of those. It's a credit union.

JDP:   ~silence~

me:   A credit union is a financial institution that competes with banks.

JDP:   So, would you say that your financial institution is A) Bank of America B) Capital One C) Citibank D) Chase Manhattan E) HSBC or F) Wells Fargo?

I kid you not. The conversation continued in this manner for about 10 minutes. Apparently, "none of the above" or "other" was not a choice on this survey. Finally, the girl from JDP told me that they would be unable to use my survey data in their results.

At first I was a surprised that a company that considers themselves experts in the field of financial surveys would have someone taking survey data who was so ill equipped to do so.

But, then I realized exactly what was going on. Some bank - obviously either A) Bank of America B) Capital One C) Citibank D) Chase Manhattan E) HSBC or F) Wells Fargo - had sponsored this survey and they were looking forward to revealing findings similar to this:

Bank XYZ ranked #6 in popularity by a J. D. Powers and Associates nationwide survey on financial services.

And, I'm the one who can't find a new job. WTH?

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

-Albert Einstein

Perspective

2010-06-22T07:00:00.002-04:00

image from mac-maps.com

While sitting in the bleachers during Prince's baseball season I had the opportunity to get to know the families of other kids on the team. For the majority of boys on this particular team, the siblings that came along to games were younger. But, one of the boys has a 12 year old sister who was always bickering with her mom.

It was entertaining to me because I remember exactly how I felt at that age. And, I remember the things my parents would say to me and how I interpreted those things. And, 23 years later I realize just how different my perspective is.

When I was that age I couldn't understand AT ALL how my parents could tell me that they trusted me, but I still couldn't go out on the 4th of July because they didn't trust all the other crazies on the road. I seriously thought that they were just being mean.

When I was that age I didn't understand that their financial means were not limitless. I just thought that they were being mean when they wouldn't let me have something I wanted.

I also didn't realize how fortunate I was - I had so many opportunities afforded me. And, I was so ungrateful. It's only in retrospect that I see how lucky I was.

So, as an adult I can look back and see things from a different perspective. And things have a different meaning to me.

It makes me think. (Yes, it does hurt.)

If I could be so wrong in my perspective of the way things were in the past, what am I seeing from the wrong perspective now? How could I be happier, healthier and more satisfied in my life if I were only to see things from another point of view? How would my relationships with my friends, family and co-workers be different if I only stopped to see things from their perspective?

I am very blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. I think I owe it to them to try and see things from their perspective. I'm going to try. I may not succeed, but I cannot imagine that there isn't something to be gained from at least trying.

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Good Morning

2010-06-21T07:00:00.001-04:00

picture courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

I don't have a lot to say this morning, but it's happy stuff...

My son's 10th birthday party is on Thursday, I have Friday off and I'm going on our church retreat in the mountains this weekend.

I have a 4 day work week followed by a three day weekend! And the best part... my boss is in Europe until July. Ah, life is good!

I has a happy.

It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.

-Donald Miller

If I Cite My Source, It's Not Plagiarism, Right?

2010-06-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'll let you use your imagination as to why I was thinking about this particular Seinfeld episode.

Jumbojoke.com transcribed it perfectly, so I've copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure.

George Costanza's 10 Commandments for 'Working Hard'

1 - Never walk without a document in your hands.

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2 - Use computers to look busy.

Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3 - Keep a messy desk.

Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4 - Use voice mail.

Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want you to do work for them. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice-mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5 - Look impatient & annoyed.

One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6 - Leave the office late.

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m., 7:05 a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.

7 - Use sighing for effect.

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8 - Opt for the stacking strategy.

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9 - Build your vocabulary.

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember; they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10 - Don't get caught.

MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forward this page's URL to your boss by mistake!

“The busy man is troubled with but one devil; the idle man by a thousand”

-Spanish proverb

Charging Forward with More Random Facts

2010-06-17T07:00:00.001-04:00

Another random thing I learned and felt the need to share with all of you.

Have you ever seen a sign like the one (above) that I found at consumerist.com?

Did you know that by making a rule like this the merchant is likely violating their contract with the credit card companies?

Visa, Mastercard and Discover do not allow merchants to require any minumum purchases. It's part of the contract a merchant signs when subscribing to the service.

And, AmEx "discourages" minimum purchase requirements.

I learned this at work, and found the "internet facts" to back it up. A complete (and interesting) article on the topic can be found at http://www.mainstreet.com/slideshow/moneyinvesting/credit/debt/know-your-credit-card-rights.

If you see these requirements for minimum purchases, you can report the merchant to your credit card company. With the threat of losing their contract with the credit card companies, I like to think they'll fly straight.

It's not wise to violate rules until you know how to observe them.

-T. S. Eliot

Do You Know What Annoys the Crap Out of Me?

2010-06-16T07:00:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's one of those days.

Actually, there are many things that annoy the crap out of me. But, today I'll just touch on a few.

People who think the traffic laws don't apply to them. Notice I used the word "law" and not guidelines, suggestions or rules. Apparently, I am the only one afraid of getting tickets or having accidents.

People who don't do their jobs, which creates more work for me, of course.

People who have met you multiple times over the course of 2 years and start e-mails with "let me introdcue myself." That pretty much sums it all up.

Stupid people. Can we just stop the inbreeding of stupidity and rid the world of this epidemic. Yes, we won't have half of our talk shows anymore, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice for the good of society. I seriously had an employee complain that her paycheck was wrong, but SHE HADN'T EVEN LOOKED AT IT.

What, or who, has annoyed the crap out of you today?

The road to truth is long, and lined with annoying bastards.

-Alexander Jablokov

I Have the Best Followers

2010-06-15T07:00:00.004-04:00

And, they leave the best comments. I stole this idea from Ian and Daffy ~~because I'm lazy~~ but I think you will enjoy it....

AdrienzGirl's comment about the fucking Google Gnomes is one of my favorites ever, but I can't find it. So, use your imagination.

Bev's comment on Too, Too Busy Tuesday, "The last cab I was in smelled like 1000 kinds of dog and the driver spoke zero English and drove like he was still in Moscow. Awesome."

Bossy Betty's comment on I Love You All the Same but Differently, "No blog roll here. I think they are pretty high in calories."

Daffy's comment on This Little Piggy Went Wee Wee Wee, "I will talk my poop towards the light." and on I'm Frustrated, "Duck tape and vodka - you choose what you do with them." (I can't decide between the two. She is a REALLY funny duck.)

Danielle's comment on Monkey Monday Minute, "I am a selfish colorer. I don't like to share with Toots. She colors outside the lines."

Dual Mom's comment on O Captain, My Captain, "I want to have sex on a piano. No sorry, I want to have sex... period."

Ian's comment on Seriously, I Don't Make This Stuff Up, "Ahhhh... The Carnical of Idiocy is alive and well at your office."

Jenny Mac's comment on What Am I Going to Do Wednesday?, "Maybe if you drink cabernet (instead of drinking my weight in chardonnay) it will make it better."

Mimi's comment on Things You Don't See In Professional Baseball, "I think it would be more entertaining if they DID do that stuff."

Momma Fargo's comment on Just So You Know, "Tase 'em. Or not... I think your computer runs on electricity. It might not fare well."

Pat's comment on School's Out Forever, "Geez, and I though GPA stood for Great Party Animal."

Tracie's comment on What Am I Going to Do Wednesday?, "Get a smart phone. You can access porn, eh blogger and FB with it all day long. Just bring your charger to work. Porn, er FB really drains the old battery. (TWSS!)"

Wannabe Virginias W's comment on O Captain, My Captain, "Good to know he tapped your keys."

There are so many more funnies I could share, but I must stop now or I never will. I may have to do a chapter two...

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

-Henry Ward Beecher

Which is Worse?

2010-06-14T07:00:00.002-04:00

Stupid people or manipulative people?

Sometimes questions are more important than answers.

-Nancy Willard

Updates

2010-06-11T09:42:00.007-04:00

It's not a real post, but a catch up to tie up loose ends...

Sadly, baseball season has ended. Prince and I both made new friends and really enjoyed the team. We still have an end of the year party and Prince invited all the boys to his birthday party, so we'll still see them at least one more time. I was also invited to join a book club by one of the moms and that made me VERY HAPPY!

I went on a third date with M. He was 40 minutes late with very little explanation or apology, so the date started on a sour note. It didn't improve from there. He called me once afterwards, but I didn't return the call and that was the end. I am open to dating, but haven't met anyone in the grocery or church or any of those "good places to meet men."

We have two more weeks of school and then it's SUMMER BREAK.

Prince has continued to struggle with his behavior. He's on a "final warning" at daycare. One more outburst and he's expelled. We met with a therapist and are going to work with her on anger management techniques. I have high expectations for this. Prince seems to as well.

The job search has come to a halt. I didn't get either of the positions that I interviewed for a while back. There's nothing else on the horizon. It's depressing, but I'm keeping on keeping on.

The seeds sprouting in my welcome mat didn't make it. I was kind of hoping they'd grow there, but I don't think they were getting enough water and nutrients on the concrete.

So, there you have it. Nothing particularly exciting, but it's a good feeling to put closure to some of those things and move on.

The above summary seems so gloomy (and I'm really in a good place right now, so don't worry about me. I think I just needed to leave behind some of the unpleasantness to make room for more joy.) So, I will leave you with a list of things I'm looking forward to:

Summer break - no homework, no violin lessons, no strict schedules
Youth football - it starts back up in August
Prince is going to sleep away camp for 10 days. I will miss him A LOT, but I went to this same camp when I was a kid and I know he'll have a blast.
Book club - the first one is next week
Our church retreat June 25-27
Prince's 10th birthday and the party at The Bounce House
July 4th - we are celebrating with my BFF and her family. We haven't gotten much quality time together recently and I'm looking forward to a laid back 4th.
My boss is out a lot this summer. He's at a seminar this week and goes to Europe later in the month. It's so peaceful :)

What are you looking forward to?

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

-Walt Disney

Grow Where You're Planted

2010-06-04T07:00:00.000-04:00

Not much to share today, but this cool picture I took. It's a close up of the doormat on my front porch. The mat sits on concrete at the top of three steps, yet somehow there was enough dirt and water for some seeds to take root. They are hard to see, but I assure you that they are growing in the doormat.

I'm not pulling them out. I want to see how big they will get without my interference.

You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.

-Abraham Lincoln

Wordless Wednesday - a gift from Erin

2010-06-02T07:00:00.002-04:00

Look what came in the mail from Erin at The Mother Load...

It's good to see me, isn't it? No need to answer, that was retorical.

-Glinda in Wicked

Watching the Time Clock

2010-06-01T07:00:00.001-04:00

I have a standard schedule. I work from 8 to 5 Monday through Friday with a lunch hour from 12 to 1 each day.

~~I freaking hate my job~~ I'm not crazy about my job and find myself looking at the clock ~~non-stop~~ quite frequently.

But, I've recently noticed that the people who work around me give visual clues that also indicate how quickly the time is passing for me. And, my feelings when I see these things are a great indicator as to how my days is going.

I get here at 8. I'm never happy about that.

Kay gets here at 10:30. If I'm thinking about lunch and she's not here yet, it's a rough day.

Blair leaves at 2:00. If I'm thinking about going home and she's still here, it's a rough day.

Kay takes lunch from 3:00 to 4:00. When she gets back from lunch it's almost time to go home!

Blair doesn't work on Fridays. So, when I get to work and she's not here, it's FRIDAY!

Kay and Blair happen to also be two pretty awesome ladies, so I enjoy having them near me for the cute kid stories or the outlet for venting frustration.

Yes, the littlest things in life tickle me.

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.

-Albert Einstein

Memorial Day Minute

2010-05-31T07:00:00.001-04:00

1 - Have you or a family member joined the military? my father and grandfathers were all in the military

2 - Have you or a family member served his/her country in times of war? both grandfathers were in WWII

3 - What's your favorite BBQ food? steak. Of couse, I love just about anything BBQ related - cheeseburgers are close to the top of the list.

4 - Do you fart in public? Not if it can be avoided.

5 - What's the one question that if it shows up on a Monday Minute, you refuse to take part? There are actually a lot of things I'd rather not put in writing on the internet. I wouldn't be able to answer any questions about my marriage or spouse, 'cause I've never been married.

You know that being an American is more than a matter of where your parents came from. It is a belief that all men are created free and equal and that everyone deserves an even break.

-Harry S. Truman

A Fast Funny for Friday

2010-05-28T07:00:00.001-04:00

Before I get into the story, I just thought I'd share with you that this weekend I'm going to start looking for the Father's Day cards I bought last year and never sent. Hopefully, by June 20 I will get those mailed out :)

A postcard advertisement came in the mail today. It was from NOVA Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The tagline was:

Earn your Master of Science in Employment Law degree.

And it was addressed to: The Humane Resource Professional.

Yeah, I have faith in that school teaching me about employment law when the can't spell "Human Resource" properly.

Have a wonderful weekend! Especially those of us who get a three day weekend. YIPPEEE!

When our spelling is perfect, it's invisible. But when it's flawed, it prompts strong negative associations.

-Marilyn vos Savant

Normal Childhood Behavior

2010-05-27T07:00:00.013-04:00

One of the reasons I love blogging is that I get to be the center of my own universe. I get to talk, talk, talk and I get the most wonderful feedback from some really smart people from all over the world. It makes me feel better when things go wrong to know that I'm not alone. And, I particularly like to hear other people's stories.

When I shared my story of getting locked out of the house, I realized there are a lot of "universal situations" where everybody has a story. I'm looking for your story again. No, you won't be entered into a drawing to win an amazing vacation get away. This is all about me. (Although, I have received some nice comments about my collection of quotes. One of these days when I ~~am avoiding work~~ have some downtime I might make a quote book to give away...)

Anyway, I'll show you mine and then you can show me yours. (Your story, you sicko.)

Prince will be 10 next month.

He is pushing all my buttons. All. The. Way.

In the past two weeks he has:

called a daycare worker a "big fat retard"
rolled his eyes and sighed at me about a million times
stomped his feet and thrown things (including chairs at daycare)
hit a three year old - two incidents
forgotten to take his ADHD medicine that I set out for him while I was standing 2 feet away making his lunch. Then, when I had to leave work to take it to him, he laughed at me.
lied to me several times
criticized a teammate about making a mistake in a baseball game
cried and yelled that I am so mean to him
been disruptive in Sunday School
forgotten his violin on Strings Day - after I brought it to the front foyer so he wouldn't forget it
whined about having to shower and brush his teeth
argued about doing his homework
broken a wooden spoon by "dropping" it
lied about doing his homework, turning in a reading response a week late
lost two lunchboxes
not batted an eye when I tell him how his behaviors hurt me, but cried hard when his DS was taken away
not followed just about any instructions given to him

So, please, entertain me. Make me feel like I'm not the worst parent in the world. Really. Bring it.

Also, if you have any creative ideas for discipline or methods of preserving my sanity over the next 8 years, please share.

PS - This can't be a "Woe is Me Pity Party" so the words "hang in there" and "I hope it gets better" and "I'm so sorry/I feel for you" are strictly forbidden. I sure hope you listen better than Prince does. Or not. Whatever.

Human beings are flawed individuals

The cosmic bakers took us out of the oven a little too early

And, that's the reason we're as crazy as we are

And, I believe it

-Jimmy Buffett "Fruitcakes"

WTF Wednesday

2010-05-26T07:00:00.001-04:00

So, here's what happened yesterday to make me say "WTF?"

I called my doctor's office and asked for a refill on a prescription on the Xanax that the doctor had given me in March.

I got a call back from her nurse who asked me why I thought I needed a prescription for Xanax. She said she saw nothing in my chart about me being on Xanax.

I kept my cool and said, "Because that's the prescription that she wrote me in March for anxiety. It is helping me and I'd like a refill, please." I politely explained that I was seen on March 3 and read her the label from the RX: Alprazolam .25 mg; take 1/2 tablet twice a day as necessary for anxiety. And, I told her that I've only needed it 3 or 4 times a week, while at work. (That would be why I hadn't needed a refill last month.)

Her response?...... "Hold on a minute, let me read the notes from your last office visit... Oh, I see it. Okay, no problem. I'll call it in."

WTF? Why didn't she do that before she called me back? I specifically asked for a REFILL, not a new script.

My sister's explanation was stupidity. I agree. But, what scares me is that this is a woman who regularly comes at people with needles and is allowed to call in prescriptions. What a douchecanoe!

I said, "Thank you."

You can imagine what I wanted to say.

You also won't be surprised to hear that I called my HMO to change my primary care physician yesterday afternoon.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

You Touch My Heart

2010-05-25T07:00:00.002-04:00

image courtesy of www.centerforspiritualgrowth.net

I faced some challenges in my personal and professional lives last week. But it’s nothing like losing a sister or having a child diagnosed with cancer, so today I want to point out some nice gestures that brightened my world last week.

Ian is a very good friend to me. We g-chat almost every day, and even though I spend a lot of time complaining about my lot in life, he is so supportive. I told him that I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Although I can’t find the exact words (I’m g-chat archive challenged) he recommended that I not have a nervous breakdown, that I’ve been doing such a good job recently of avoiding one and he knows I can do it.

The encouragement and support from a friend touched my heart.

My new friend S at Sand and Starfish posted about the broccoli she’s been growing in her garden. In a series of e-mail exchanges she wrote: Did you see my homemade topsy turvy? much cheaper than buying one! I can even make one for you if you'd like :)

The kindness of a fellow blogger who’s never met me in IRL touched my heart.

Speaking of which… (which, not witch – that’s me) IRL I’m still glowing about the wonderfulness that has been our baseball season.

Prince made some bad decisions last week and I was trying to figure out whether I should let him play in a baseball game. On the verge of tears, I called the coach’s wife who talked me through the situation, gave me some good advice, and promised to have her husband (the coach) have a chat with Prince.

In a later e-mail exchange she admitted this: Ya know we come from the "south" where it really is a village effort with kids, and sometimes we feel out of place here, isolated even. We know it takes all perspectives and energy from outside parents, but Northern VA is sooooooooo different. We are here all summer!!! Prince is welcome to come hang out anytime---we do lots of pool time.

Someone I’d viewed as very popular, completely independent and uber confident touched my heart with her honesty and her inclusive attitude.

I've witnessed some pretty obnoxious adults through my experience with youth sports. Some of the worst are the coaches. I've heard threats, profanity, and lots of yelling (even though the kids were 8 and 9 years old.) We've been fortunate that (for the most part) Prince has had excellent coaches - this year's baseball coach is one of the best.

But, I never expected this response from the coach of the team we played this week after I emailed the stats and closed the e-mail with the observation that their team (who beat us by 2 runs) sure could hit.

Thank you for the update and the compliment. Our team has come sooo far this season. Just amazing. They have exceeded my expectations and having been playing amazing baseball for the second half of the season after a rough start.

I just wanted to say that your team is certainly one of the top teams in the league. I was very impressed and don't see any holes. They are talented, focused, hard-working, hard-playing, well-coached, and to top if off display excellent sportsmanship. Thank you for a great game last night. We were VERY fortunate to squeeze by in a very even and exciting game. I thought both teams played at a very high level (three driving catches combined and numerous solid defensive plays), great pitching by all pitchers, and excellent hitting.

I know #4 on your team was upset after the game, but I thought he took some very good, aggressive swings out there. He fouled an almost unhittable two strike pitch off of my best pitcher and nearly got the coach out there. He has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I would love to have a kid like that play for me.

Thanks again for a fun night. Best of luck in closing out the season, and I hope we can play again in the post-season.

(That was kind of long, but I didn't want to edit out any of his words.)

The kind words, the positive attitude, and the willingness to share all of that with an opponent touched my heart.

Those are just a few examples that come to mind of people who have touched my heart recently. A big thank you to all my bloggy friends who read, comment and respond to my comments. You touch my heart.

There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart... Pursue those.

-Michael Nolan

Monkey Minute - the snort Edition

2010-05-24T07:00:00.011-04:00

1 - Do you *snort*? Yes, usually while reading funny posts and comments from bloggers like Daffy. Although mine is more a SNORT! like in Are You My Mother?

2 - Our friend, has a nickname and it's Daffy. What's your nickname? Duh, it's BigSis. I've also been tagged with BareAss, Y Girl, Olive Oyl, Big Bird, Green Giant, and JP.

3 - Do you know sign language? Does the middle finger count? I know a few signs and most of the letters of the alphabet.

4 - What's a sample convo from your hood?
Big Sis: Minimum quantity is 250.
Bossman: Does it come in a smaller amount?

5- Do you sleep with electronic devices - i.e. laptop, Blackberry, iPhone, etc? not on a regular basis, but the laptop and/or cell phone have definitely kept me company some lonely nights.

Be like a duck - calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.

-Michael Caine

I Just Realized

2010-05-21T12:00:00.001-04:00

That tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my first blog post ever! Click the link, please. I still think it's a pretty damn funny post.

Let Us Pray

2010-05-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've been bitching and moaning about the things happening in my life this week, but the thought of losing a sister or having a child diagnosed with cancer truly make my issues pale in comparison.

So, I'm going to prepare a post (hopefully for Monday) about some of the things that have happened to me recently that remind be to be thankful for all the blessings in my life.

And, in the meanwhile, I'm going to pray for Daffy and Momma Pixie and their families. This is from one of my favorites that we use in our church during evening compline:

Preserve us, O Lord, while waking,

And guard us while sleeping,

That awake we may watch with Christ

And asleep may rest in peace.

Now, Lord, you let your servant go in peace: your word has been fulfilled.

Regardless of your religious inclinations, please send positive thoughts and happy wishes to some special ladies who really deserve them.

Grant that I may not pray alone with the mouth; help me that I may pray from the depths of my heart.

-Martin Luther

Do You Know How Much I Love You?

2010-05-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

which also could be titled, Do You Know How Addicted I am to Blogging? (Yes, I know it's really all about me.)

The proof:

Hardly a day goes by that I don't post on my blog and read all your fabu musings. Yet, today I am finally mailing out Mother's Day cards. Although, ten days isn't THAT bad. It could be way worse.

So, I love you :)

Love is mental illness. But, it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it.

-Fran Lebowitz

Metaphor Monday: My Recycling Bin

2010-05-17T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm the ~~nerdy~~ intellectual type to loves to see symbols and draw corollaries between seemingly unrelated objects. I've done it with paint pens and I've done it with my underwear. (Speaking of which - I was going to create a picture chart for you. Must add that to my list of things to do someday...)

My recycling bin is a symbol of my mental state.

First off, you can tell where my head's at based on how much I've been drinking. As described by my wonderful sister, "When BigSis had a particularly tough week at work a while back and took her recycling out to realize that she herself emptied several wine bottles solo, she stopped drinking for a while."

Of course, there are times when lots of bottles in the bin means I've been entertaining. And, that is usually indicative of a positive mental state. But, that's an exception. Lots of wine bottles usually means depression.

The second big indicator that I'm overwhelmed or in a funk is when the recycling bin begins to overflow. I'm sure there are more cans of Spaghettios and fewer egg cartons, which indicates I'm lazy with what I'm cooking for Prince. It also means I've been too uninspired to get the bin to the curb each Friday morning. I don't even have to do it myself; that's why I have a kid. But sometimes, I don't even have the energy to tell him to do it.

So, there you have it. My recycling bin is a symbol of my mental health.

And in this case, an empty bin is the sign of a happy healthy BigSis.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

-Jack Nicholson

Things You Don't See in Professional Baseball

2010-05-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

Prince plays Little League baseball and this season has been wonderful. We have great kids, supportive parents, and amazing coaches. It's been a really good experience for both of us.

But, there are a couple of things that strike me as comically different than the baseball we see on our TVs.

In professional baseball, you don't tend to see:

-players crying when they strike out

-the umpire calling a time out so he can tie a player's shoe.

-players singing and or dancing in the outfield or chatting with the runners on base in the infield

-players running off the field yelling "I gotta go!"

I feel like there were a lot more, but I can't remember them. Perhaps there will be a part II to this one...

There's no crying in baseball!

-Tom Hanks in League of Their Own

Compost Photos

2010-05-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

This is the compost pile. It's in the back yard, in the leaf/dirt part behind the grass.

This is a close up of the compost. You can see lots of brown leaves (from raking), some green leaves that got knocked off the tree during a storm, egg shells, lettuce and the top of a pineapple.

This is the ~~reason~~ excuse I have been giving for the delay in posting pictures. First I was out getting sunburned. Then I was on the couch recovering. I'm all better now, but have an ugly tan line!

I'm the queen of my own compost heap, and I'm getting used to the smell.

-Ani Difranco

And, this little piggy went WEE WEE WEE

2010-05-12T07:00:00.002-04:00

I'm continuing the title from yesterday's post, but this has nothing to do with swine. This one is a short ditty about wee wee. Well, it's about the bathroom anyway.

I see my fair share of public restrooms because I have a troublesome tummy. And, from bathroom to bathroom, I witness the same female behavior. Sometimes we wait out the other women so we have privacy to do our thing. Sometimes we flush the toilet while doing our thing. And, sometimes we make excuses for why it took us so long in the ladies' room.

All of this behavior because we are embarrassed to poop.

This weekend's trip to the ladies' room was quite different. And, it was a trip.

In the stall next to me was a young sounding girl (she was in there by herself, so I'm guessing she was at least 6.) First I heard grunts. Loud ones. Then she started talking to her poop, willing it to hurry up and come out.

It was all I could do not to laugh out loud.

Isn't it funny how different women become as we age?

If my jeans could talk, would I be embarrassed?

-Brooke Shields

Just So You Know

2010-05-11T11:16:00.000-04:00

I'm having email issues AGAIN. So, if I don't respond to a comment, please know that I WANT to and probably TRIED, but can't. I guess I am going to try to fix the issue. GRRRR.

This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef

2010-05-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

During football practice one evening, a friend was telling me that they are learning that her son is allergic to just about everything. And, as the youngest of 4 kids, it's really hard to take things away from him, like marshmallows.*

I asked, "Do marshmallows have dairy in them?"

Her response, "No, pork."

WTF? There's PORK in MARSHMALLOWS?

Apparently, there are also pork products in about a million other things I never knew. Like Jello, yogurt, frosted cereals and gummy bears.

It's not actual pig meat that is found in these items, rather gelatin. And, apparently, gelatin is made from the collagen found inside animal bones, commonly pigs'.

I was shocked.

In discussing the topic with a Muslim friend at work I learned even more! There exists halal (permissible according to Muslim law) gelatine, made from cows or goats that have been slaughtered according to Muslim practices.

Because there are so many hidden pork products on the market, she has been trained to look for this symbol:

which actually means kosher, but is helpful to Muslims as well, because it certifies that no pork products can be found in the products.

Now that I know about the symbol I see it on food packaging all the time. I guess you really do learn something new every day.

This is a great chart that I found online when researching this topic. It also explains why a bunch of items contain "hidden animal products."

*another something I learned rather late in life is the correct spelling of MARSHMALLOWS.

I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.

-Eartha Kitt

Monkey Monday Minute

2010-05-10T07:00:00.000-04:00

Ian has renamed this week's Monday Minute and I think it's great.

1 - How old do you act?
About 13 - I'm still boy crazy and laugh at farts.

2 - As far back as you can remember, what did you want to be when you grew up?
In 1st grade I wanted to be a cheerleader and a mommy (not at the same time.)

3 - If you were to write a book based on your life, what would the title be?
This one stumped me. I couldn't even think of something snarky. THE PRESSURE OF A NAME!

4 - What's something that you do that's considered "childish" by most?
I like to color. (Yes, coloring books and crayons. I miss doing that now that my son is 9.)

5 - Write a story of a time when you or someone you know overcame great adversity.
Within my "minute" I can tell you that breast cancer runs in my family. Check out this chart which details the extent of it. Anyboob, my mother and my great aunt have both beat breast cancer and are an inspiration to me.

For a longer story, I recommend you check out two prior posts of mine: Reba survived an abusive marriage and Lucy endured her husband's sex addiction and suicide.

An example from the monkey: the higher it climbs, the more you see of its behind.

-German proverb

Today's (Com) Post

2010-05-07T07:00:00.010-04:00

art courtesy of the State of Washington's Department of Ecology at http://www.ecy.wa.gov/

I often say that instead of a green thumb, I have a black one. So, perhaps it is a natural corollary that I can "compost."

I put the word compost in quotes because what I do is a very, very basic version of composting. It's really more a system of keeping biodegradables out of the trash and ultimately the landfill. But, there's no doubt, it's a good thing to do, so I thought I'd share with you.

I started with some small, inexpensive, decorative, plastic fencing I bought at Home Depot or Lowes. I sectioned off an area (about 3 ft X 6 ft) in the back of our yard. We put all our compost items in this area instead of the trash can.

What we put in the compost pile:

Green stuff (weeds, grass clippings, fruit & vegetable scraps, coffee grinds, tea bags)

Brown stuff (leaves and cardboard {toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls})

Other stuff (egg shells, paper towels, paper bags)

What we don't put in the compost pile:

meat or seafood (including bacon grease)

cooked food

other paper (which can be recycled)

cat poop (just in case you were wondering)

It is recommended that you keep the heap wet, so I will throw the dehumidifier water onto the pile, but am definitely not careful about keeping it wet. We do not "stir" our pile nor have we tried to use the compost as soil or fertilizer. The best part (that I'd worried about before) is that there has not been a stink associated with the compost, and we've not attracted any unwanted animals or bugs.

There are tons of websites to give you tips on all different kinds of composting. There are forms for apartment dwellers all the way to farm owners. There are simple versions (like mine) all the way to the complicated ones that involves turning your compost on a schedule and use of activators such as worms. My favorite site is http://www.thegardenofoz.com/.

So, there's a very simple post about compost. What's ironic is how many times I wrote and rewrote. I kept getting bogged down in all the details and wanting to write a research paper. So, please know, there is A LOT about composting that I haven't touched on. If you want to know more, or are capable of a higher level of composting than my method, I highly encourage you to check out some of the available resources. Because, as I've said, if I can compost, anyone can.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It's not.

-Dr Seuss in The Lorax

Blessed - chapter iii

2010-05-06T12:00:00.001-04:00

The composting post keeps getting pushed down and down (the list.) I was trying for a bit of a compost pun. I'm not sure I hit that target. (And, for the record, the first time I typed "target" I used a capital letter T- scary!)

Anyhoo, what delayed me today is good stuff, I promise.

Last summer I started writing about some amazing women who have come into my life through the workplace. I was re-reading those posts (chapter i and chapter ii) in preparation for Ian's Monday Minute and decided it's time to share the third chapter.

Aretha is someone I currently work with. I keep my blog a secret from people at work, so I'm going out on a limb and posting this (carefully) without running it past her. I don't think she would mind.

I call her Aretha because she's a strong, sassy, self confident, always singing, self declared "big girl."

Aretha grew up in a large family, but lost many members before their time over the years. She miscarried one baby and went on to raise a second all by herself after baby daddy abandoned her. She's worked multitudes of jobs over the years, many involving long hours, impossible customers, and being on her feet for extended periods of time.

Yet she is one of the most positive, enthusiastic, kind people I know. And, here's a story to demonstrate her generosity.

Aretha currently works with some very difficult customers who rarely have nice things to say about any part of our organization. However, Aretha was so helpful to an older lady last fall that the little old lady brought Aretha a Christmas gift. It was a very pretty sweater that likely cost more than the company sponsored holiday dinner (per person, of course.)

That particular week in December brought Northern Virginia a snowstorm. And, Carrie, another co-worker who lives very far away, was worried about her commute in the impending blizzard. Because Carrie has some relatives who live close by our office, she was making plans to stay the night with them, but worried about what she'd wear to work the next day.

We all assured Carrie that she could wear the same clothes the following day, but she didn't like that idea. As she fretted about the feasibility (and safety) of heading over to the Target or the mall to get some new clothes, Aretha offered her new, never worn, tags still on, beautiful sweater. Just because Carrie could use it and Aretha knew she didn't NEED it.

You know how people talk about the friend who would give you the shirt off his back? That description doesn't get much closer than Aretha.

What you want

Baby, I got it

What you need

Do you know I got it

All I'm askin'

Is for a little respect

-Aretha Franklin

Tame Me?

2010-05-05T07:00:00.001-04:00

picture courtesy of Google Images (I know nothing about the album, just liked the cover.)

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.

Maybe they just need to fun free 'til they find someone just as wild to run with them.

-Sex and the City

That's all I have today - just a fun quote for you. Enjoy your hump day.

Too, Too Busy Tuesday

2010-05-04T07:00:00.003-04:00

I had every intention of posting about compost today. (I know, really, what could be more exciting?)

Somehow Monday got away from me. (I spent more of if on genealogy than work stuff if you want to know the truth.)

So, today I will share with you some random knowledge I gained over the weekend.

I can share the "whys" with you if you are interested, but bottom line, I took a cab this weekend and learned from the driver that (at least in the state of Virginia):

1. Cab drivers are not required to wear seatbelts, even though their passengers are. This is for their own safety (from passengers - in case they need to get away from a bad one.) Our driver opted to wear one, which made me feel better about my threat to him, but not so much about his driving.

2. A cab can take an HOV-3 lane with only one passenger. (Normally, there have to be 3 people in the car to take this "carpool lane." But cabs can get into it with only 2 people.)

I am a dork because this was very interesting to me. I'm a bigger dork because I'm ~~forcing it upon~~ sharing it with all of you.

Have a great Tuesday!

I might be a dork, but I don't want to be a jerk.

-Blink 182

Memoir Monday: I Hold the Lock but Who Holds the Key?

2010-05-02T14:28:00.000-04:00

Angel is a better woman than I. She took on Travis and Ian at the same time. It's all I can to to handle them one at a time. So, this week is Travis' turn... This fun ditty is fresh from the weekend and I believe it to be a rite of passage.

Prince had a baseball game on Saturday morning. He was due at the field at 8:15 AM and I was worried we'd be late, so I made sure we were prepared on Friday night. That left me with about 20 minutes of cushion in the morning, so I decided to clean out the car.

I was on my second or third trip to the car when Prince saw me and thought I was ready to go, so he came outside and shut the door behind him. With my keys in the house. At 7:45 on a Saturday morning.

I was very lucky that I had my purse which held my cell phone and a key to my mother's car. (My parents were in CA and had left their car at my house because I live closer to the airport than they do.) I was able to transfer Prince's baseball stuff to Mom's car and get him to the baseball field 15 minutes early.

After an admitedly panicked call to my BFF (because it's only the besties you can call before 8 AM on a Saturday) I scheduled an appointment to meet a locksmith after Prince's game. So, it turned out okay.

But, the best part was that EVERYONE has a story about locking themselves out. And, that made me feel a lot better.

One of the dads lives in a neighborhood with lots of cops, so they broke in for him when he locked himself out. One mom was locked out by her toddler and she broke a window to get back in. But my favorite was the lady who went to a neighbors' to use their phone. Their teenager told her he could help if she promised not to tell his parents. He then proceeded to pull out a kit that he used to pick her lock.

Yup, I am not unique. Shit happens. To everyone.

I also learned several lessons from this incident. Probably the smartest is to have a backup key hidden somewhere. Perhaps the most important is that replacing the pane in the front window would have run me about $50 and a locksmith costs $199.

That's our lot in life. It's not a lot, but it's our life.

-The Queen in Antz

School's Out Forever!

2010-04-30T07:00:00.001-04:00

I have lots of tales to tell from college. And, there are plenty of stories that I hope never surface. As I've previously acknowledged, I was a wild child. But, it wasn't always so.

In high school I was a very good girl. I never quite found my niche, but if you were to assign me a group, I would definitely have fit in with the nerds.

After reading about the university debaucherie at least one reader was surprised that I've never tried any drugs except pot. So, for your entertainment, here are some of the highlights of my high school resume:

final GPA of 3.9
SAT score of 1620 (apparently, I'm still a nerd because I remember that!)
French, Latin and Math Honors Societies
Beta Club and National Honors Society
National Merit Scholarship Semifinalist
took AP Calculus as a Jr and attended local University for Multi Variable Calc my Sr year
received a few small scholarships for college
pretty sure I belonged to about 100 clubs and played sports

Sometimes it is nice to remember that I ~~was~~ am smart.

Speaking of which... You think my parents would have been very proud, huh? That's a post for another day.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

-Bill Gates

Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw?

2010-04-28T07:00:00.004-04:00

You may have noticed that I love quotes. I also love Jimmy Buffett. Yesterday I used a Buffett quote. In responding to Daffy's comment I realized that the man has said so many amazing things, it's only right to dedicate an entire post to awesome Buffett quotes.

The title is one of the best ever. I also like these:

If we couldn't laugh we would just go insane. If we weren't all crazy we would go insane.

If it doesn't work out, there will never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain.

There's a little bit of fruitcake in every one of us.

If life gives you limes, make margaritas.

Then it's flat-top, dirty bop, copin' a feel
Grubbin on the living room floor
They send you off to college to try to gain a little knowledge
But, all you want to do is learn how to score
Yeah, but now I'm gettin' old, don't wear underwear
I don't go to church and I don't cut my hair

Let me remind you: we are party people and things will get better.

Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.

I just want to live happily every after, every now and then.

How I got here, I haven't a clue
Wasted away again in Margaritaville

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

Religion's in the hands of some crazy ass people.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.

The weather is here; wish you were beautiful.

Drive-in
Guzzle gin
Commit a little mortal sin
It's good for the soul

Did I miss any of the good ones? Barefoot, I'm looking at you.

Survive, Stay Alive

2010-04-27T07:00:00.001-04:00

An update of sorts...

I still feel like I'm in a holding pattern, just living life on hold until I find a new job. I had two great interviews on March 16. I got a turndown letter over the weekend from one (yes, 6 weeks later) and never heard a final decision from the other. I'm still in denial that I have to keep looking. :(

I went on a second date with M. We had dinner at the same place we had drinks. It was pretty much a re-run of the first date. We had a lot to talk about and it was enjoyable, but nothing earth shattering. The good night kiss was more passionate, but it hasn't lead anywhere. I think I'm disappointed that he's not making any effort to woo me, but I haven't felt inspired enough to really care, so I don't have great expectations for us.

Prince is playing baseball and it's fantastic. It is such a refreshing polar opposite from last year's experience. The coaches are wonderful, the parents have been great, and the weather has cooperated for our practices and games. The team is 4 and 1 and I'm really enjoying my role as the "pitch counter" and watching Prince blossom. He hit the first homerun of the season!

I'm still finding myself frustrated by life, but I'm taking pleasure in the things that make me happy. I'm reading. I'm researching my family tree. And, I'm very involved with Prince, particularly his baseball season.

We have a few plans for the future, but not as many as I'd like. So, it's time to give myself another attitude adjustment and grab life by the balls. There are many things in life I can influence. I need to focus on doing that.

So, in the great words of Jimmy Buffet, I will survive, stay alive...

Survive. Stay alive

Through the thick and the thin

Survive. Stay alive

Until it all ends

-Jimmy Buffet

Speaking of Witch

Today the Pond, Tomorrow the World

Random Thought

Media Karma

Awkward Moments Bite

It's Tuesday, Right?

More Tales from Work Buddy

The Snarky HR Lady Returns

Scheduling Happiness

The Pressure of a Post

Endless Possibilities

Easing Back In With A Quickie

Things That Make Me Cry (In the Best Possible Way)

Before and After?

When it Rains, It Pours

Because Apparently I'm Made of Money

I'm Going to Hell (Still)

I'm NOT Lovin' It!

Remembering

I'm Frustrated

Confessions of a Selfish Blogger

Child = Endless Blog Fodder

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Back in the Saddle Again

Popular - Part Two

Popular

Defining My Family

I'm in Love...

Head Hurts

Corporate Babysitter

It's the Little Things, Really

Why Is It?

Things That Make You Go HUH?

Seriously?

When Our Children Hurt, So Do We

Do You Thank God for Unanswered Prayers?

A Funny for Monday

Profound Words from Tracy McMillan

I Love You, And I'm Leaving You Anyway

Activism

Take a Look: It's in a Book

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Deja Vu

I've Been Visiting Friends

Monday Minute

Oh, Hi. You're Still Here.

Blogging Vacation

Five For Friday - A Repost

Wordless Wednesday: Things That Make Me Happy

Grown Up Friendships - Part 1

Monday Minute

Feeling Campy?**

WTF Wednesday

The Way to a Man's Heart

Milestones

Wordless Wednesday - Photos from the Weekend

Didn't Have a Minute on Monday

You Say It's Your Birthday

My Son Prince - Book Smarts, but No Common Sense

Financial Services Survey

Perspective

Good Morning

If I Cite My Source, It's Not Plagiarism, Right?

Charging Forward with More Random Facts

Do You Know What Annoys the Crap Out of Me?

I Have the Best Followers

Which is Worse?

Updates

Grow Where You're Planted

Wordless Wednesday - a gift from Erin

Watching the Time Clock

Memorial Day Minute

A Fast Funny for Friday

Normal Childhood Behavior

WTF Wednesday

You Touch My Heart

Monkey Minute - the *snort* Edition

I Just Realized

Let Us Pray

Do You Know How Much I Love You?

Monkey Minute - the snort Edition